My boys to date

Logan - Turned 5 may 25th. over the past 6 months logan has gone thru some major changes. He still is a great help, and really sweet. However in addition he has found a real attitude and a temper! Part of it is just the growing up into a boy vs a little kid, and part of it is this pregnancy i have not been as patient and thus scold alot, and part of it is how we have to deal with carter (will elaborate later). The temper includes when hebisnt getting his way, he will pound the ground or table (whatevers nearest him) or kick something and then slam the door as hard as he can when hes sent to his room. Considering weve never dealt with this from logan specifically, we arent sire what method to use. On the other side of the spectrum, -generally- when we ask logan to help us, he is on it! he even after a little coaxing will do his chores now with no complaint (mostly). I guess  what im saying is we can whole heartedly trust Logan.

Carter - 2 1/2 yrs old. All kids his age (minus his buddy colt) are afraid of him.because carter is not kind to kids his age. Hes genetally good with babies and hes best with kids logans age. And half of the time hes not trying to be mean, hes just rough/aggressive in his play. If a kid presents "whimpy" then carter turns into.his bully mentality. Its really frusterating. This is what i was alluding to in regards to logan as i sometimes feel that logan is learning his behaviors in defense to his little brother (who picks on him). And carter is very defiant(?) And refuses to listen. We have to ask him 7-10 times before he truly hears us or at least will obey us. By the 5th time we are taking him to do what we asked or swatting his behind or losing our patience. He truly just ignores us.  now! Carters not all.negative! He also is extremely relaxed personality - and is very calm in his behhavior. Rarely gets angry or wild. It may sound weird bit his "bullyness" is very laid back. Hes not glaring or what have you during his bully moments. Hes quite sweet one on one. I think itll be great for him.specifically when i stop babysitting (or at least cut back significantly) and go back to playdates. Cuz hes generally great during playdates and is a mostly hard on kids i watch. -sigh- love that.boy!

So they are both very different and unique :-) i love them.both and can only hope and pray  i raise them right!

Pregnancy symtpoms new to this pregnancy

Every pregnancy has been different for me. This time i have:

1. Nose bleeds
2. Itchy skin
3. Acne (usually it has cleared)
4. First trimester weight gain. So far no additional gain into the second.
5. Low iron - enough i have to take a supplement
6. Random nausia days - especially if i eat poorly

Bit of a downer blog but need to vent

Bah. I dont care what anyone says, i hate gaining weight in pregnancy and i have gained a ton of unnecessary weight - in fact i was gaining weight very slowly leading up to this oregna cy. Clothes dont fit me, my.body is spreading, and i feel horendously unattractive. The sad part is im only 17 weeks along so i have 5 months of this agony to go. I have small.spurts of days where i have a good handle of food i consume, but generally i feel like i have.no will power and no way to get back into my regular routine of how i felt best eating. I do.quite well in my meals,but its the snacks and preparing food and snacks for my children that is challenging... and evening snacks. I feel like a whale and i feel like ill never be able to get my 140lb body back. It just feels hopeless and ive studied nitrition and know what i should be doing,- but how do you get back to it?? Im thinking about weighing and measuring again... now that the first trimester nausia is over and its summer but holidays and camping make me not want to eat well cuz i want to have a marshmellow or two etc.

I battle weight always and forever. I feel like a broken record. I hate how i feel. Its annoying. I hate the fact that i have to be hugely strict.on my diet if i want to weigh 140 (and thats not even a small weight realistically) and i hate that i cant jist eat 1 cookie for example without wanting to eat 10 more or sometimes actually eating them! I feel often like my body is cursed.

I am constantly reminding myself that i am a child of God and every body is beautiful. And i have to remind myself of this many many times a day. -sigh- i could really use a break from myself!