We see a behavioural therapist with our one son and she had a really profound thing to say a few sessions back that I have been meaning to write down for awhile!
She explained that as parents we all parent slightly differently (obviously), but specifically she pointed out that as people we are generally a little more social or a little more emotional in our approach in parenting. Some people swing wildly into the emotional side and some swing wildly into the other.
Let me explain the difference in how I understand it: Emotional parents are much more emotions based. They ooze love and make you feel loved just by looking at you. I bet you know someone just like that! I know I do! When a bad choice is made by a kid or something gets broken by a kid, an emotional parent quickly jumps in and checks that the kids emotions are ok! "how are you? are you hurt? how do you feel?" stuff like that.. then they will slide in the correction of behaviour (almost subtly per my observations - as a more social personality I occasionally pass judgement on their techniques - i'm learning however!).
Social parenting (which is ME) - we are rules oriented parents. "Say please. Say thank you. Do it this way. Do it that way." We raise our kids to be socially appropriate. We struggle with free spirit personalities because it doesn't follow 'the rules'. We love our children but we aren't touchy feel in our approach. If a kid breaks something or hits someone we are very fast to correct and take care of the situation. I would maybe even say we a bit more firm?
Anyways i'm not an expert but that's how I see the difference of the two. You aren't ONE or the OTHER as a parent - I mean I certainly am not lacking in emotion, and I enjoy a good snuggle and I hug and kiss my kids, etc. I would say i'm probably 70-30 on average ;) And I arguably was even less before! With my son I have to push myself to be more 50-50 or even 60-40, which is extremely out of my comfort zone!
Something we learned from this with my son is that he needs to get a handle on his emotions before I can socially direct him. I need to "engulf" him emotionally before he will even hear me. We have to connect first and foremost. He is attracted to emotionally strong people - one of his favourite women just feeds him emotionally just by looking at him! She hugs him and LOVES him in ways that are almost uncomfortable and foreign to me. I'm not saying (nor do I feel) that I am a bad parent! But I have learned a NEED of my child. I am observing emotion based children more closely to learn how to be more so with him. It is challenging and a major shift, and I can never be perfect at it, but if it brings happiness to my kids then i'll do whatever it takes.
Friday, February 26, 2016
Thursday, February 25, 2016
Just need to vent about weight loss
It's no secret that I want to lose a bit of weight and it's not secret my body does not make it easy on me. My most recent frustration is that I have spent the last month being very strict (because I specifically joined a weight loss challenge group) and I have lost basically nothing. The first week I dropped 3 lbs (but I consider that my flux weight - I was at the top of my flux weight before the challenge started), and I have gained back 2 of the 3 lbs as of this morning, almost 4 weeks later.
I am REALLY irritated. I have been careful not to exercise too much because I put myself on a 1250 cal diet - so my exercise was an occasional run or a zumba class or a Barre class - I even tried YOGA out (and I despise yoga!) lol.
I am seriously considering liposuction on my buttocks area because that's the area that my WHOLE LIFE I have tried to shrink down with no success.
Anyways I feel extremely deflated. In the past 6-9 months I have done everything from a suggestion a friend made that I wasn't eating enough calories so I ate a 1800 calorie diet for about 2 months. I never gained nor lost and it brought about SERIOUS craving issues for me which I have spent most of my life trying to overcome - there were days I had to sit back and force myself not to engorge on food after already eating at least 1800 cals already for the day. Everyone's experiences are different and my experience is that I want food. ALL. THE. TIME. I eat a meal and am never full. I have taught myself to stop eating - I am never satisfied. I have taught myself and feel most sane around the 12-1400 cal mark because I get enough fuel to be ok, and then if I do indulge on anything its not shooting me up into weight-gain.
I have done cleanses, I have done/do healthy eating, I exercise, I meditate, I do energy work. It's just all so deflating like I mentioned earlier.
NOW for the positive: Yes I whined above but sometimes you can't help how you feel. Let me tell you though that I actually like my body. Just because I have a dream of where I want it, doesn't mean I hate my current body. I have my trouble areas but I love my body shape! I am very lucky that I have elastic skin and have little stretch marks (they are white and hard to see), I am grateful that I am health conscious and that I'm teaching my children how to be healthy as well. I am grateful I can run and exercise without pain or discomfort.
There's always something to be grateful for, and I haven't given up... I just feel annoyed today :)
I am REALLY irritated. I have been careful not to exercise too much because I put myself on a 1250 cal diet - so my exercise was an occasional run or a zumba class or a Barre class - I even tried YOGA out (and I despise yoga!) lol.
I am seriously considering liposuction on my buttocks area because that's the area that my WHOLE LIFE I have tried to shrink down with no success.
Anyways I feel extremely deflated. In the past 6-9 months I have done everything from a suggestion a friend made that I wasn't eating enough calories so I ate a 1800 calorie diet for about 2 months. I never gained nor lost and it brought about SERIOUS craving issues for me which I have spent most of my life trying to overcome - there were days I had to sit back and force myself not to engorge on food after already eating at least 1800 cals already for the day. Everyone's experiences are different and my experience is that I want food. ALL. THE. TIME. I eat a meal and am never full. I have taught myself to stop eating - I am never satisfied. I have taught myself and feel most sane around the 12-1400 cal mark because I get enough fuel to be ok, and then if I do indulge on anything its not shooting me up into weight-gain.
I have done cleanses, I have done/do healthy eating, I exercise, I meditate, I do energy work. It's just all so deflating like I mentioned earlier.
NOW for the positive: Yes I whined above but sometimes you can't help how you feel. Let me tell you though that I actually like my body. Just because I have a dream of where I want it, doesn't mean I hate my current body. I have my trouble areas but I love my body shape! I am very lucky that I have elastic skin and have little stretch marks (they are white and hard to see), I am grateful that I am health conscious and that I'm teaching my children how to be healthy as well. I am grateful I can run and exercise without pain or discomfort.
There's always something to be grateful for, and I haven't given up... I just feel annoyed today :)
Tuesday, February 9, 2016
CRUISE 2017
It's almost here!!!
2017 is the year Michael and I have our 10 year wedding anniversary, so I told him 2 years ago that I want to go somewhere WARM for our 10 year without our children. Turns out Damen will be over 2, so I don't mind leaving him with grandparents at that time.
Michael and I LOVE a good cruise. We have never done a land resort mind you, but either way it has to be all inclusive - we love all inclusive and we loved our Alaskan cruise because of that! We didn't have to think about anything other than being back on the boat by 7.
We have a lot of friends interested in joining us - which i'll believe it when they actually BOOK lol but how fun it would be to have friends there!
Where are we going? Well that's the billion dollar question. It'll be Caribbean of some sort. I would like to go in February before spring breaks hit and (aside from this year) February is generally cold! There's a lot more cruise options in the Carribbean than I ever imagined there to be! No matter what it'll be amazing i'm sure :)
2017 is the year Michael and I have our 10 year wedding anniversary, so I told him 2 years ago that I want to go somewhere WARM for our 10 year without our children. Turns out Damen will be over 2, so I don't mind leaving him with grandparents at that time.
Michael and I LOVE a good cruise. We have never done a land resort mind you, but either way it has to be all inclusive - we love all inclusive and we loved our Alaskan cruise because of that! We didn't have to think about anything other than being back on the boat by 7.
We have a lot of friends interested in joining us - which i'll believe it when they actually BOOK lol but how fun it would be to have friends there!
Where are we going? Well that's the billion dollar question. It'll be Caribbean of some sort. I would like to go in February before spring breaks hit and (aside from this year) February is generally cold! There's a lot more cruise options in the Carribbean than I ever imagined there to be! No matter what it'll be amazing i'm sure :)
Update on the kids health wise
I have found Martha at the Amaryllis Centre for Healing and she has done miracles in our family.
ME: I had a really neat experience where she had some wonderful insight and advice about my body. She told me that somewhere along the line my body heard the phrase(s) "you need some meat on those bones" and similar phrases and that deep down I believe that that is truth to be a good women, mother, wife, etc. And it was interesting she said that because the SHIDELER side of the family is constantly saying things like that - my dad, my grandma, and other members. So she sent me home to do some personal meditation and she did some energy work to release those thoughts, etc. That was one of a few really profound things she came up with.
Carter: She explained to me that Carter is likely not going to be a strong book learner (which is VERY apparent), but is very wise to the world. She felt a native presence in him when she worked on him and expressed she felt that wisdom in him - like for example the "elders" of a native tribe - that kind of wisdom, and expressed he is going to be quite earthy as a person and to let him get dirty and go without shoes, etc. (he does that already and a few thing she said just made me feel better about carter because we are struggling heavily with him)
Logan: He was my most profound as far as changes in him.
1. He has neck issues. Hates wearing helmets, won't let anything near his throat, etc. She had some neat ideas as to why and after she worked on him, the next day he was EXTREMELY sensitive - couldn't even put a shirt on (things were shifting). This is a work in progress but i've seen big changes thus far.
2. He is a picky eater. She worked on it and he has eaten things he has NEVER eaten before and he has tried things he would gag and cry and fuss over the idea of eating such foods - has had 1-2 bites without a second thought.
3. He has a temper. Oh this one bugs me, he stomps and slams doors as soon as something is frustrating or hard. It has been almost 2 weeks with no temper tantrum (from at least 1 a day).
4. And then the little things she did have just changed his demeaner in a lot of ways - not positive or negative but just changed. Also not bad or good per say, just changed! He is a sweet heart and still the same, he just handles things differently
Damen: Damen is almost 15 months. As you may remember from my blog about him I spent his whole life working on him. He has been doing SO well! This past month I introduced wheat products and a week or two later I introduced dairy. He has a mild wheat intolerance per his blood reading, but it doesn't give him a visible stomach ache which is great - so we just keep it to a minimum (like for example i'll give him a chicken nugget thats breaded, but I won't give him a full blown sandwich yet). He seems to have a bit more of a sensativity to milk or cheese (not sure which as he hasn't had much of either but had them both at the same time) because shortly after he broke out in eczema in his elbows and armpits - not severe but never had any prior to having wheat/dairy. SO! Not bad :) He is pretty clingy right now but otherwise is a VERY happy little boy. :) He is social and flirty and fun and he holds a very special part of my heart. I have my predictions what he's going to be like as he grows!
ME: I had a really neat experience where she had some wonderful insight and advice about my body. She told me that somewhere along the line my body heard the phrase(s) "you need some meat on those bones" and similar phrases and that deep down I believe that that is truth to be a good women, mother, wife, etc. And it was interesting she said that because the SHIDELER side of the family is constantly saying things like that - my dad, my grandma, and other members. So she sent me home to do some personal meditation and she did some energy work to release those thoughts, etc. That was one of a few really profound things she came up with.
Carter: She explained to me that Carter is likely not going to be a strong book learner (which is VERY apparent), but is very wise to the world. She felt a native presence in him when she worked on him and expressed she felt that wisdom in him - like for example the "elders" of a native tribe - that kind of wisdom, and expressed he is going to be quite earthy as a person and to let him get dirty and go without shoes, etc. (he does that already and a few thing she said just made me feel better about carter because we are struggling heavily with him)
Logan: He was my most profound as far as changes in him.
1. He has neck issues. Hates wearing helmets, won't let anything near his throat, etc. She had some neat ideas as to why and after she worked on him, the next day he was EXTREMELY sensitive - couldn't even put a shirt on (things were shifting). This is a work in progress but i've seen big changes thus far.
2. He is a picky eater. She worked on it and he has eaten things he has NEVER eaten before and he has tried things he would gag and cry and fuss over the idea of eating such foods - has had 1-2 bites without a second thought.
3. He has a temper. Oh this one bugs me, he stomps and slams doors as soon as something is frustrating or hard. It has been almost 2 weeks with no temper tantrum (from at least 1 a day).
4. And then the little things she did have just changed his demeaner in a lot of ways - not positive or negative but just changed. Also not bad or good per say, just changed! He is a sweet heart and still the same, he just handles things differently
Damen: Damen is almost 15 months. As you may remember from my blog about him I spent his whole life working on him. He has been doing SO well! This past month I introduced wheat products and a week or two later I introduced dairy. He has a mild wheat intolerance per his blood reading, but it doesn't give him a visible stomach ache which is great - so we just keep it to a minimum (like for example i'll give him a chicken nugget thats breaded, but I won't give him a full blown sandwich yet). He seems to have a bit more of a sensativity to milk or cheese (not sure which as he hasn't had much of either but had them both at the same time) because shortly after he broke out in eczema in his elbows and armpits - not severe but never had any prior to having wheat/dairy. SO! Not bad :) He is pretty clingy right now but otherwise is a VERY happy little boy. :) He is social and flirty and fun and he holds a very special part of my heart. I have my predictions what he's going to be like as he grows!
Grade 1 almost done!
Well, We are almost complete Grade 1! And I knew we'd be done early, but I didn't think we'd be done in FEBRUARY. I have slowed right down and I am going to make it stretch into March. It has been heavy on my mind however because I don't know what to do from this point. Do I review? Do I move onto grade 2? Do I just give him a 4-5 month break?
So many choices! This particular situation would be handled differently with every child. Logan however after much much much thought and discussion I have decided to move into Grade 2 material after we address any areas of weakness (ex: penmanship).
Let me tell you a bit about Logan. Logan is a natural learner. I take no credit for his brain - he just gets it. Everything. He remembers everything too. We have had to discuss a topic once or twice and he is good to go. At his last assessment with our facilitator he is already reading at a grade 2, almost grade 3 level. He has areas of weakness like most, but in all subjects we don't have to linger anywhere for very long. It's been phenomenal to watch and learn from him!
I am definitely very proud of him - and I don't like to throw the proud word much as I think it can quickly turn into pride, but he works hard and fights with us a bit about it but generally he loves to learn!
And a side note: we have him in the following activities: homeschool gym day, piano lessons, horse back riding lessons and presently 4 week skating program. He also swims every friday with Michael and Carter as "swimming lessons". oh and he is in Beavers. He is a VERY busy boy yet not that busy LOL - he loves it. The riding lessons have been great on his "wimpyness" I'll call it, he is a hard worker and listens closely and is learning a lot of life skills from it - I wish it weren't so expensive because we really can't afford it but the benefits outweigh the negative points.
We look forward to summer break! We will have NO extra activities this year - summer is truly going to be a break and time to play in water and outdoors and as a family.
So many choices! This particular situation would be handled differently with every child. Logan however after much much much thought and discussion I have decided to move into Grade 2 material after we address any areas of weakness (ex: penmanship).
Let me tell you a bit about Logan. Logan is a natural learner. I take no credit for his brain - he just gets it. Everything. He remembers everything too. We have had to discuss a topic once or twice and he is good to go. At his last assessment with our facilitator he is already reading at a grade 2, almost grade 3 level. He has areas of weakness like most, but in all subjects we don't have to linger anywhere for very long. It's been phenomenal to watch and learn from him!
I am definitely very proud of him - and I don't like to throw the proud word much as I think it can quickly turn into pride, but he works hard and fights with us a bit about it but generally he loves to learn!
And a side note: we have him in the following activities: homeschool gym day, piano lessons, horse back riding lessons and presently 4 week skating program. He also swims every friday with Michael and Carter as "swimming lessons". oh and he is in Beavers. He is a VERY busy boy yet not that busy LOL - he loves it. The riding lessons have been great on his "wimpyness" I'll call it, he is a hard worker and listens closely and is learning a lot of life skills from it - I wish it weren't so expensive because we really can't afford it but the benefits outweigh the negative points.
We look forward to summer break! We will have NO extra activities this year - summer is truly going to be a break and time to play in water and outdoors and as a family.
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