Welcome Damen Riley Bly

 

Nov 16th, 2014 we welcomed our baby boy Damen into the world.

18 weeks utero

 37 weeks pregnant

 Midwife team

 Daddy with Damen

 Mommy with Damen day #2

Brothers :) 

The Birth Story:

Damen was my by far toughest delivery yet (and his pregnancy was pretty rough per previous posts as well). The 5 days leading up the 16th I would experience cramps and painful braxton hicks, which was super annoying because I would get excited that maybe it was 'time'. Then Saturday the 15th I teased michael that that would be the night because he had a bunch of friends coming over for a UFC fight night. Low and behold as I was hanging out with my friend Kim playing games I started to get mild contractions every 20-30 mins - but I didn't know they were officially contractions yet because of all the pre-cramps I had been experiencing. 

Once all of Michael's friends left around 11:30 I went to bed, but was only able to sleep for 30-60 mins and then I was up the rest of the night from there. I was definitely having contractions. Starting at 1am I started timing them. I was having them every 2-6 minutes and they lasted roughly 30 seconds each wave. They were painful enough that I had to breath through each wave but not excruciating. At 2:00 I called my midwife and she said when the contractions are lasting 1 minute in length to call her back. So I did everything to get comfortable (I even tried sitting in a bath) and by 4 they were every 2-3 minutes apart but not 1 minute in length - still 35-45 seconds long. However! I called her because I was now reaching "I can't do this" phase and I was completely exhausted because it'd been over 3 hours of "painful" contractions. She said she would pack up and be there within the hour. So the team arrived at 5am and I was completely and utterly wasted, lying on my bed in fetal position trying to cope through each contraction. By 6:00 I plain just gave up. That's when they broke my water. I was fully dilated by 5 but they wanted to see if my water would break on it's own. So they broke my water and an hour and 20 minutes later I was -finally- able to push Damen out. I once again could not get my head wrapped around pushing, so he was very beat up and cone headed when he finally came out. He also got a little jammed up on the way out. We think he was a little bit twisted, and apparently I had some cervix in the way (I still don't know what that means but they had to push it out of the way) and it took about 7 solid good pushes to get him out. ...which was unfortunate because by this time I had almost no strength left so each push was completely exhausting. And BOY did he hurt! I about jumped out of my skin during those final 20 minutes. 

But then! out he finally came! My big 9lb 10oz, 22 1/2" long baby boy. They laid him on me while the cord pulsed out and I basically fell right to sleep. My placenta (which funny thing all the midwives commented how huge my placenta was haha) basically came out with him so they took it right away (one 'final' push). They kept trying to give me the baby but I just told them to give him to Michael. I was so tired I couldn't even think straight. 

Funny story though: they kept having to listen to the babys heart rate with the doppler thing, and I would get so angry at them LOL, it was driving me completely crazy because they'd have to apply some pressure to my stomach each time they listened and I was like 'just get that thing away from me!' haha, not sure why but it just drove me mental. 

Logan woke up at 7:30am and we sent him downstairs so we could get everything all cleaned up. And Carter slept til 8am. I have NO idea how they slept through everything because I was LOUD, all night long. Moaning, groaning, screaming, whining lol...and they were in the room next to ours! The most precious moment for me was when Carter sauntered in I said "look carter, your baby is here" and his eyes truly lightened right up and he gasped and said "is it mine?" - I almost cried right there it was so sweet. 

And that was it! Midwives tidied up and got everything in order and were gone by 10am (maybe sooner even?) and I basically slept the rest of the day away. My mom arrived at roughly 7:15 and I told her not to come up cuz I didn't want anyone else in the room, but she heard the final moments leading to his birth. She and my dad then took the boys to church and they all held the baby the rest of the day while I slept - just bringing him to feed every so often. 

How we picked his name:

Numerous people have asked me where we got his name. And to be honest, I have no idea! I had an ongoing list of boy and girl names in my phone on a list that over the past 6 months whenever I thought of or heard a name I/we liked, I wrote it down. We had Damen, Riley and Cooper on our list, but when we looked at him he was 100% a Damen. We let the little boys pick his middle name. So its just a name we liked :)

Damen's First Week:

And now here we are, one week later! Damen is a wonderful baby. He definitely suffers from tummy issues - has a hard time passing his bowel movements. I have taken him to my chiropractor and it has done wonderful things for him, and I have eliminated wheat and dairy and processed sugar from my diet best I can. If by end of next week he's still suffering I will add a few veggies/starches to the elimination list. But other than that he is doing fabulously! He hasn't lost weight (my babies never have), he sleeps fairly well through the night - every 3 hours I feed him, which some may not think is sleeping well but for me since I've had insomnia my entire pregnancy, sleeping 3 hr intervals has been heavenly :) And the boys LOVE their baby brother. It is so sweet actually, they are just darling with him. I haven't had to worry about leaving Damen in their presence while I run to the bathroom or throw some laundry in, etc. We are one happy family and I am loving our laid back life right now - having little to no obligations and just being home with my children has been incredibly satisfying. I haven't even wanted to out much (which is odd cuz I usually get quite stir crazy). 

38 1/2 weeks tomorrow

So the past 24 hours have been ... good? I have been waking up constantly all night long thinking im in labor - but not only that, ive been dreaming im in labor then wake up almost panicked! And we are talking every 30-60 mins ALL night long.

Then yesterday but even worse today, baby has significantly dropped low into my pelvis, restricting ALOT of my normal movement and day to day activity - but not only is it uncomfortable, its painful :(

And today i have been in.basically a full time braxton hicks contraction! It has been one after another after another ALL day!

Its so hard not to think that "maybe the babys coming really soon". A girl can dream -- i know baby comes when it comes but a girl can dream :) heres hoping my suffering ends soon!

Pregnancy 36 weeks

1. Carpel tunnel specifically in my left hand is almost completly unusable - ir aches and hurts all night then takes about two hours to become semi-usable again!
2. Hands/feet swelling increased. Vains in hands/feet are puffy by days end
3. Belly is changing. Cant bend over most of the time due to the positioning of baby - either it had a growth spurt or shifted in such a way that my belly just hurts aLOT
4. Have had a cold now for 15 days. The sinusitus passed but still congested and occasional cough. One day im "ok" then next im knocked on my butt! Worst cold ever. Thesinusitus messed up my one tooth with a filling. I wont br surprised if i need to get it looked at soon enough

Vaginismus

Disclaimer: This will be a discussion blog where symptoms I experience, my sex life and things I discussed with my OB-GYN today. If that makes you uncomfortable, stop reading now :)

The reference to all of this is www.vaginismus.com for the 'facts' I may quote or where i'm getting my information.

Today I went to an ob-gyn that my midwives referred me to. The reason I went is for a vaginal/anal itch that I've been dealing with for almost 4 years. It worsens during pregnancy. Things I've tried over the years include:

   1. Diet - I've concluded that certain foods make it worse, but elimination of any foods specifically don't make the problem go away. (Thus why when I tell people I have a flour/wheat intolerance, it's not for the same reasons that a celiac has issues).
   2. Blood reading  - I have always been baffled as to why nothing specific has shown up for this issue in the blood reading I regularly receive (but after we get further discussing the vaginismus I now understand why it hasn't shown up in my blood).
   3. Yeast - okay, so my last ob-gyn I visited sent me home and told me to eat more yogurt. I about punched him in the face because I have been swabbed, treated, and every other known thing you can do to treat yeast (I've even applied yogurt down there!) and I've never tested positive medically for yeast and rarely in blood reading. ITS NOT YEAST. But this guy was adament and just basically blew me off. I never went back to him again needless to say. But yeast is NOT the cause.
   4. Herbals - I take acidophulus, digest enzymes (especially when eating those problem foods I have discovered), multi vit/min, aerobic oxygen, and so on on a generally regular basis.
   5. Creams. Oh the creams! My doctor has tried hemorrhoid creams, cortisone creams, some F-____ cream I can't remember the name, and so on.

Anyways, so the big problem is that every time I have been looked at or examined there's never anything wrong in appearance of my lady bits - no rashes, no bumps, no discharge, etc. But it itches like the dickens!

NOW - back to today. I went to see Dr Wood at the Foothills. He was phenomenal! Side note: he had fabulous and kind nurses, and he was a very non-creepy, kind and understanding man who truly seemed to -care- that I was there. So we talk a bit about my history and I will be honest, I was very prepared to defend myself and tell him 'its not yeast!' lol but I never had to go there. He said he wanted to take a look. So (here's where i'm going to start being very detailed), as I scoot into place he asks me if i'm always so 'uptight' when getting examined. I know at that point he's referring to the fact that my legs are basically shaking (with fear) and I cannot relax. I explain that I have never once been able to have an examination without it being completely traumatizing emotionally and physically. Not only is it VERY painful, but I emotionally don't like people down there. (not saying everyone does, but I cannot relax).
Dr Wood explained that he would not be doing an internal exam today but what he wants to do is sensitivity test where he is going to lightly tap my leg and then the outside of the vagina and anus to see if there's any nerve damage from the years of itching - I passed ;) - no nerve damage.
He then throws me for a loop a bit and starts asking about my sex life. Long story short we discussed the fact that it has -always- hurt for me to have sex and it took about a year to discover that if I use a ton of lubrication my husband can at least 'get in' - I explained that my husband is the only partner I've had and that it was extremely emotional that when we went on our honeymoon we didn't have sex even once because it was like there was a wall in the way and I about cried every time we attempted. And then he asked me if I ever feel aroused, which threw me for a loop (going into this appointment I was ready to discuss all the things I've tried for the itch, not my sex life lol) - but I said that I maybe feel aroused once every 30-40 times - and we probably only have intercourse once every 1-2 months.

That all being said he then did a (well lubricated) one finger test which just about made me cry. He said all he did was press against one of the muscles in the vaginal wall and he knew from my cringing in pain and discomfort right then that I am suffering from vaginismus.

My basic understanding is that vaginismus is " vaginal tightness causing discomfort, burning, pain, penetration problems, or complete inability to have intercourse."   https://www.vaginismus.com/vaginismus-symptoms - this page specifically goes into really great detail about it that I find fascinating. This also then leads into (on the same site) vaginitus and vaginal atrophy and lichen sclerosis - all things that could be linked to the itching combined with vaginismus which was just interesting for me to read is all. 

So talking to Dr Wood he explains that the itching could just be a side affect or it could be something else, but until you get the pelvic muscle tightness figured out, you can't really fix anything. And he said after the baby is born that I can come in to see him again and he can teach me some therapies and techniques (to do on my own time and at my own comfort) to help loosen up the muscles that are essentially in spasm all the time. He did say that he was surprised this was my third birth because most women have some nerve damage after each birth 'down there' and that's what loosens women in that region - it has little to do he said with the stretching from the actual baby exiting. 

The other thing that was really enlightening to me is that this really explains alot of other common problems I have: 
   1. I have never been able to wear tampons - they are SOOO painful
   2. Doing canestan yeast treatments or the one time I had to insert a hemorrhoid suppository - OW
   3. Having children! I have blogged about this before - but I have never been able to easily push a baby out - because I clench up instead of relax - and this vaginismus totally explains why! I can't relax my pelvic muscles at all. I asked Dr Wood if kegals were good to do and he said they are but I didn't need to worry about it because I have such a strong pelvic muscle base. Kegals strengthen, and that's not what I need to focus on. 

I was really excited leaving his office because this is the first time in almost 4 years that I feel like we might actually be in the right direction towards a solution- and it will also potentially help some other problems that I/we have that will only do my body and psyche good. 

The sad part is I have to wait until probably 8 weeks AFTER baby is born before I can work with him :( But! I have hope! And I write this blog mostly as an educational piece because I think more people likely suffer from this problem (not necessarily the itch) but it's not as uncommon as people think. Awareness is key.

Happy Thanksgiving 2014

Well it's Thanksgiving again. Weather wise, my favourite time of year is anytime it's nice enough to be outside without a sweater and little to no wind -wink-, generally that's July & August with snipits throughout the rest of the year. Holiday wise, my fav holidays are halloween and Christmas (for various reasons and i'll likely share in a blog when those times arrive).

But! Thanksgiving holds a special place in my heart. I have fond fond fond fond memories of time with family during Thanksgiving and I remember specifically because I was born on Thanksgiving so my birthday often falls on the long weekend or a day before/after. This year it's actually on Tuesday coming, but it's still my birthday weekend. Over the years the Shideler's have grown into having a tradition to have bbq ribs for our thanksgiving dinner, and we have various Shideler's (extended family) join us for the event. This year we were welcomed by my entire immediate family and Aunt Ellen and Steven/Jai/Aidan/Aaron. It was a lovely time.

This year was strange for me because I was supposed to host dinner! (with our family dinner rotation it was actually my turn). I caught a cold on Wednesday of last week sadly though and by yesterday (Saturday) I was 100% the same condition I was during the week - not at all better. So with deep remorse I called my mom and discussed options with her, and we decided to just change the venue location to her house instead. I packed up all the food I had already purchased/prepared and Michael took it to her place (he was already heading to the south of calgary to meet his parents for the day). Anyways, so Sunday rolls around and i'm not really better, slightly improved so I went as a guest and helped as much as I could in the prep/cleanup as I could.

Outside of being sick it was LOVELY being with my family :) I LOVE being with family, there's nothing better! And I couldn't have planned a better menu haha! Ribs, potatoes, honey glazed carrots, greek salad, kale salad, homemade rolls, punch, apple crisp and ice cream and pumpkin pie. It was DIVINE.

And this week I hit 35 weeks, so me and my dad did our belly pose together while I was there (pic below), and I have also posted a picture of the group of us that went laser tagging in lieu of my birthday on Oct 3rd.

 (I realized I didn't put any makeup on or anything before we left so this is as 'eu naturel' as I come LOL) 

laser tag party with a bunch of my friends

Kindergarten Week 5

This week I upped my craft-ness for Logan - he has been craving crafts and activities so I figured I would do my best to make it happen for him. 

Otherwise a fairly basic week. We are working through all the subjects one day at a time. Logan's enjoyment of reading still astounds me each day we work on it. We are having a good ol' time!

Below is a picture of us focusing on shapes. Logan knows his basic shapes (Triangle, Circle, Square, Rectangle) so we added Hexagon, Pentagon, Octagon for a challenge (I can't remember if I blogged about this last Friday or if we did this Monday and I just added it to FB, oh well, sorry for the repeat). Anyways, I cut out large shapes and we proceeded to decorate them with markers and stickers and glitter! It's nice because whenever we see the shapes around our day to day life we now have a reference: "hey Logan, that stop sign has 8 sides - what else has 8 sides? an octopus? yes! that's right - just like our shapes. And we also made a 5 side pentagon and 6 side hexagon - do you remember? awesome!"

Our 'extracurricular' activity this week was going Bowling. Logan loves bowling - at least 6 frames, then he is done haha, but we had a fun time! (daddy was able to come too)

Today we went for a walk/park play with the kids I babysit on Thursdays. We collected leaves along the way and when we got back we made leaf wreaths (inspired by my nieces)

Pregnancy week 32

OSo we made it to the single digits. It's been a rough road in lots of ways. Yet, aside from the physical discomforts (baby is a STRONG little critter with its kicks and punches and of course the sciatic pain) the pregnancy is easier now than the first two trimesters. Don't get me wrong, i'm still looking VERY forward to getting this sucker out of me! but i'm at least not an emotionally miserable person at the moment.

Symptoms/stats:
-sciatic
-itch problem (I have been wheat free for over a week and it helps but not as much as I would have hoped/liked)
-acne cleared up mid 2nd trimester - finally get my nice pregnancy skin!
-weight gain at 36lbs (boo)
-baby is measuring exactly at 32 weeks
-baby is brutal inside me. literally beating me up all the time almost making me cry at moments at how much it can hurt
-energy is at a 6-7 out of 10
-little to no sympathy towards anyone - child or adult and little to no patience <- this particilar point is the hardest for me to cope with as i want to -care- but i just dont feel like it. Its a weird unknown emotion to me

That's all I can think of :)

Still hoping for a Halloween baby, and for all you haters out there I am FULLY aware that the baby will come when he/she is ready :P but for the sheer fun of it we are rooting for a H-ween child :)

Kindergarten week 4

This week was pretty lax for us. Our schedule I am learning will change every month. My no-school-Tuesdays is going to be adjusted and for October we have to take Carter to swimming twice a week for 3 weeks during a typical schooling time. But! even though we haven't always been able to school in the morning we have made the effort to catch it in the afternoon. Tho, I still prefer the morning just to 'getter-done'.

We did some minimal stuff this week. Focused mostly on reading/writing skills. Logan has added -g, -e, and -th to his repetoir. He can now sound out simple sentences such as "the cat" "the dog" "get the cat/dog" "mom met dad" "tom mad at sam", etc. He really has a knack for reading. We also did a vinegar/baking soda experiment, and did some painting throughout the week.

I found on a personal level I feel like I can't keep up with Logan's demand for activities. He wants to CRAFT and make things and do EXPERIMENTS all the time and I didn't really have a lot planned for this week. I have a ton of material for things, but I don't want to have it all finished by November lol! Trying to pace ourselves. I need to work on some simple paper crafts on a more regular basis because thats what he's interested in right now. I haven't found the happy medium yet is I guess what i'm saying. Pinterest is awesome but it's also exhausting as there is so many things we could do.

Otherwise week 4 a success! I've adjusted a few of his workbooks - put one away as it was conflicting with another book - they certainly are both great books, just not meant to be done simultaneously! As for the curriculum I purchased, I have a few books that I will definetly use again, and then a few that I won't buy again (as the one specifically is too American).

Anyways, Bly family homeschoolers are truckin' along! :)

(And Carter is enjoying his Joyschool on Fridays)

Kindergarten week 3

Well this was a fun week! We did our first field trip - we went to the telus spark science center. I arranged for carter to stay with my mom so Logan and I could "dig deep" into the world of science. It was really fun!! Im sure Logan doesnt remmeber much, but when something has come up in convo he has been like "we saw that at the science center with the <something> exhibit" so all in all.very successful and very fun! Prob do a yearly trip :)

Logans phonics and reading skills are coming along very quickly - im super impressed with the book we are using "The Reading lesson". His new list of words he can sound out all by himself are: at, sat, cat, rat, mat, am, sam, ram, mom, dad, sad, mad, cot, dot.

Otherwise we did regular math - just starting to get into new material - to this point its been mostly review. We made a family tree and a picture family timeline and tho he kinda already knew aboit it, we are mastering our NSEW directions. Frankly i still struggle with them to this day - id say we probably are at the same level here LOL

The game Logic Street is a fab game! Its a pattern/thinking game and logan loves it and so do I! It was a great investment. Other games weve played this week are Brain Box and with Tegu blocks. We also made a family tree which logan amazed me with his cutting skills. Good week so far

Still.avg about an hour a day. Sometimes 45 mins, sometimes a little longer. We also have been faithful in sticking to our schedule of morning school and I keep my phone upstairs as to not be interruptes. We did one afternoon this week which wasnt my fav but we did it! 

Pic: one is the dome show and one is playing.at one of the exhibits

Kindergarten Week 2

This week has been just as positive and just as fun as last week! We did Math & Science Monday - since it was our first math lesson it was mostly things logan knew already (like recognizing and writing his #s), then a little bit of review Tuesday. Wednesday however was a fabulous day. We did Language Arts and the phonics book we have has us already sounding out words such as AT, CAT, SAT, COT, TAC, SOC (the letters being learned are sounds for C O S A T). Listening to Logan sound out and read a simple sentence like "a cat sat" on week 2 of our schooling adventure was SO rewarding to me :) - by the end he was a little agitated and what I've chosen to do (without his knowing it) is when he is agitated we continue on for about 5 more minutes so he learns to work through the problem and that I won't just 'give up' upon feeling frustrated. It has been a great patience strengthener for me :) Then today we did ART. We did Drawing (in a Usborne book that teaches how to draw things), we did mazes, and we did painting. Today specifically we opened up his school painting kit. I explained to him that -this- kit was for school and we wouldn't only do one project per week out of it. At the end of the 'lesson' then he was welcome to free play and paint what he wants on a different piece of paper. He learned that Blue and Yellow make green - and then proceeded to mix the colors, and then the picture that goes with it has a bunch of white areas meant specifically for the color green - so he completed the picture. It was a really neat little project and he mentioned through the day that blue and yellow make green in various conversations.

Tomorrow we have a really cool history and geography lesson to work through :) I wish I had a printer at work because we are supposed to make a picture timeline - but all of my pictures are now in photobooks so 1. it's already in a timeline essentially, and 2. we can no longer take pics out of an album to create the line.... oh well, we will make due and I've made note to do this again when we buy our new printer.

Woohoo for homeschooling! I am SO converted and loving everything about it! I have to bite my tongue now when I talk to people who are -sending- their kids to school LOL isn't that funny?

First week of homeschooling

So we did three days of school for our first week and it's been AWESOME! Logan has loved everything about it and so have I. We have done about an hour a day, which seems to be ample at this point. I have even done well to leave my phone upstairs while we school. It takes me about 20 mins to 'prep' the night before - basically I just read the lessons ahead so that if I need to do any prep work I'm ready and not scrambling while Logan waits.  I have turned my Bowen room into a homeschool room because I decided I did -not- want to have HS stuff all over my kitchen table. I already hate clearing lego and 3 meals a day and coloring, etc off the table - adding to that would probably drive me crazy! Logan loves sitting down here at 'his desk' and Carter has done well so far to just play nearby.

Carter I have arranged for him to be in a Joyschool group (like Logan did) and it starts next week. After Christmas is over I will probably start working on a page or two of workbooks with him. He is quite immature academically at this point so I don't want to start him yet on things like that.

Anyways, today we made a catapult as our craft: http://frugalfun4boys.com/2010/08/16/marshmallow-catapult/

And I have also attached a questionaire we did on Logan's 'first day' (I am going to get a picture printed and put it at the bottom but our printer is on the fritz) Sorry its sideways! I couldn't figure out how to rotate it :)

I am hopeful that we continue on this path of love and excitement for HS - I know we will have our days, but for now Logan is soaking up everything he learns. I am also practicing patience :) I have to say I feel like i'm being a better mother this week because we have been working together so well and communicating/spending more time -together- AH! I just can't wait for this school year to really get rolling and get past the 'honeymoon' phase of the beginning lol so I can give a true opinion! hehe

Wish us Luck!

Homeschooling - Kindergarten

I am actually GIDDY about this coming 'school year'. Being this is my first time going through this homeschooling stuff, I chose to run a kindergarden program for Logan this year for a few reasons: 1. he's intellectually curious about a variety of things that I figured why wait til grade 1 to start? and 2. I want to be sure we can actually be diligent and committed to a homeschool program.

I searched and searched for a kindergarten complete curriculum because I did not want to be piecing together all the 'subjects' and missing out on things that I may or may not feel important, and just again, being our first time doing this I figured ordering a predesigned curriculum would ease us into things the process :) The other major advantage to ordering a curriculum was that I probably would -not- have ordered some of the "toys" (blocks, games, puzzles) if I were piecing things together because I can be cheap lol

We ended up ordering the curriculum from Timberdoodle. A few cons are that it's an American company so some of the material focuses on American history and such which I will have to adapt, but less than 10% of the material so not bad. And the cost of shipping about killed us. So we won't order from them again likely. Sadly this year is not reimbursable so it was straight out of pocket.

Most importantly, LOGAN is excited! He was a little apprehensive because he wanted to go to school with his friend Lando and after we sat down and explained to him that school is not just playtime with Lando, but rather it involves actual school work while there (and of course some play) then he was okay with the idea of homeschooling. And then he saw the HUGE box of books and toys and games that came in the mail. Oh it's taken everything to convince him we have to WAIT another month before starting :) I know there will be up and down days as far as wanting to learn and participate but that's no different than them being at school.

Anyways, I am so convinced we've made the right decision to be a hs family the closer it gets. I am nervous at moments but frankly, they are good nerves vs bad nerves.

Our schedule looks a little something like this for September (subject to change but I work best off a schedule until we get into a swing of things):

Daily: practice piano and read a chapter in the scriptures (likely our family version of the Book of Mormon)
Monday: Math & Science
Tuesday: NO SCHOOL because we have piano lessons and beavers and I babysit my neighbors 9-1.
Wednesday: Language Arts
Thursdays: rotation every week with some Language work in our 'fun book' and Art/Drawing and games/puzzles, etc.
Friday: History and Geography until the monthly quota is reached then filled in with work from the book "developing the early learner" and such.

My personal goal: To do school work in the mornings between 9&12 for 2hrs MAX. During school I will have my cellphone turned off so my attn can be to the kids. At the same time I will have Carter working on some preschool stuff or he can play quietly elsewhere. It will become 'school time' in our house. It may take some time to create the habit but that's why i'm starting this this year. Of course new baby is in the picture and we will adjust accordingly. I certainly do NOT plan to be rigid, but I do plan to get some work done with my children in as a fun a way as we can :)

Eye exams

Took the boys for their annual eye exams today  and they both have a minor astigmatism. Doctor said  its 50-50 chance that it develops or goes away....but id say those odds are not quite right as mommy and daddy have astigmatism and it is a genetic thing. Right now they both have 20-30 vision and no reason for a cxorrection (aka glasses) but over the next couple years  logan specifically will be monitored to see if it develops or not. Thankfully eye exams are Alberta healthcare covered in Alberta :)

Baby#3 20 weeks

Well 20 weeks officially today! Half way mark - it has taken forever to get to this point! It was just the pick me up i needed to get the ultrasound. Since we were on our way out of town camping for the weekend, michael and the boys and my mom were able to come with me.

I have a few predictions to record:
-Me: im pedicting a boy
-Anna (neighbor): predicting a girl - and she says shes never wrong
-my Grandma Shideler: did the string and needle test and it was an overwhelming BOY. But she is predicting a girl even still cuz she thinks i need one.
-Sandy (neighbor): predicts a girl

Otherwise new symptoms: swelling (or weight gain - unsire) drastically in my legs. I always have cankles but they are especially worsened this pregnancy. Weight gain has subsided to a much slower rate but im already almost to my highest pregnancy weight at just 20 weeks.

Anyways, things are moving along and im excited to meet our "last child" - im treating this pregnancy as our last so i make sure i am enjoying those certain aspects of pregnancy (like the flutters and movements) that i actually enjoy the best i can.

Lastly, i have actually had some nervous feelings about labor this time around. I wasnt concerned that i can remmeber with logan and carters but after carter being 9lb-8oz i am concerber about a natural.birth and a bigger baby! I remember the pain being horendous and that makes me nervous. But on the flip side i am excited to possibly "conquer" labor as far as pushing goes. After carter i figured out that my body does not habe the natural desire to push. In fact, i clench or hold things in when im in pain abdmoninally - so now that im.aware of that i look forward to mentally overcoming that and maybe more successfully delivering.

Otherwise im doing well and counting down the last  20 weeks!

My boys to date

Logan - Turned 5 may 25th. over the past 6 months logan has gone thru some major changes. He still is a great help, and really sweet. However in addition he has found a real attitude and a temper! Part of it is just the growing up into a boy vs a little kid, and part of it is this pregnancy i have not been as patient and thus scold alot, and part of it is how we have to deal with carter (will elaborate later). The temper includes when hebisnt getting his way, he will pound the ground or table (whatevers nearest him) or kick something and then slam the door as hard as he can when hes sent to his room. Considering weve never dealt with this from logan specifically, we arent sire what method to use. On the other side of the spectrum, -generally- when we ask logan to help us, he is on it! he even after a little coaxing will do his chores now with no complaint (mostly). I guess  what im saying is we can whole heartedly trust Logan.

Carter - 2 1/2 yrs old. All kids his age (minus his buddy colt) are afraid of him.because carter is not kind to kids his age. Hes genetally good with babies and hes best with kids logans age. And half of the time hes not trying to be mean, hes just rough/aggressive in his play. If a kid presents "whimpy" then carter turns into.his bully mentality. Its really frusterating. This is what i was alluding to in regards to logan as i sometimes feel that logan is learning his behaviors in defense to his little brother (who picks on him). And carter is very defiant(?) And refuses to listen. We have to ask him 7-10 times before he truly hears us or at least will obey us. By the 5th time we are taking him to do what we asked or swatting his behind or losing our patience. He truly just ignores us.  now! Carters not all.negative! He also is extremely relaxed personality - and is very calm in his behhavior. Rarely gets angry or wild. It may sound weird bit his "bullyness" is very laid back. Hes not glaring or what have you during his bully moments. Hes quite sweet one on one. I think itll be great for him.specifically when i stop babysitting (or at least cut back significantly) and go back to playdates. Cuz hes generally great during playdates and is a mostly hard on kids i watch. -sigh- love that.boy!

So they are both very different and unique :-) i love them.both and can only hope and pray  i raise them right!

Pregnancy symtpoms new to this pregnancy

Every pregnancy has been different for me. This time i have:

1. Nose bleeds
2. Itchy skin
3. Acne (usually it has cleared)
4. First trimester weight gain. So far no additional gain into the second.
5. Low iron - enough i have to take a supplement
6. Random nausia days - especially if i eat poorly

Bit of a downer blog but need to vent

Bah. I dont care what anyone says, i hate gaining weight in pregnancy and i have gained a ton of unnecessary weight - in fact i was gaining weight very slowly leading up to this oregna cy. Clothes dont fit me, my.body is spreading, and i feel horendously unattractive. The sad part is im only 17 weeks along so i have 5 months of this agony to go. I have small.spurts of days where i have a good handle of food i consume, but generally i feel like i have.no will power and no way to get back into my regular routine of how i felt best eating. I do.quite well in my meals,but its the snacks and preparing food and snacks for my children that is challenging... and evening snacks. I feel like a whale and i feel like ill never be able to get my 140lb body back. It just feels hopeless and ive studied nitrition and know what i should be doing,- but how do you get back to it?? Im thinking about weighing and measuring again... now that the first trimester nausia is over and its summer but holidays and camping make me not want to eat well cuz i want to have a marshmellow or two etc.

I battle weight always and forever. I feel like a broken record. I hate how i feel. Its annoying. I hate the fact that i have to be hugely strict.on my diet if i want to weigh 140 (and thats not even a small weight realistically) and i hate that i cant jist eat 1 cookie for example without wanting to eat 10 more or sometimes actually eating them! I feel often like my body is cursed.

I am constantly reminding myself that i am a child of God and every body is beautiful. And i have to remind myself of this many many times a day. -sigh- i could really use a break from myself!

Pregnancy #8, Baby #3

It's April 19th and I decided I needed to write a blog to post at a later date when i'm ready to 'announce'. I am either 8 or 9 weeks along today. This was a bit of a surprise as I really wasn't planning to be pregnant right now. I was waiting...and frankly it's a miracle the -one- time ...you know... -wink- I was almost due for my -next- period, but I was obviously meant to have this child because I am pregnant anyways. A pregnancy test did not show positive until 4 days past my period due date. (and why this seems so weird to me is because I have been a 28 day ON THE DOT cycle essentially since I've been married - or sooner! I just can only recollect as far back as married life beginning). Anyways, there you have it, i'm pregnant. 

My first two pregnancies (that lasted full term) were night and day pregnancies. I'm not sure what to catagorize this one as? Because it's completely opposite of the boys'! This is the first pregnancy I have been sick. I have been SO sick! I called my midwives and they've prescribed me some diclectin which helped. The past two days are the first days I haven't been nauseated. I'm slowly coming out of it. And those of you that remember, I was SICK for 3 days - and it was not a pregnancy related illness. I was actually truly sick, it just extenuated the nausea (that's when I started the diclectin). 

Another funny tidbit. I actually didn't tell Michael until I was 7 weeks lol. Why do you ask? Well my original plan was to wait until my 8-10 week ultrasound (I always get one with my miscarriage history, and I'm curious what im dating at because of when a preg test showed positive). I wanted to surprise Michael and be like 'i'm pregnant and i'm ACTUALLY pregnant!'. But, 7 week mark was when I was extreme sick, and the week prior to that I had been going to bed basically when he got home because I was sick and exhausted. I blamed it on my insomnia, but it was combination insomnia and pregnancy. Anyways, my plan didn't work out, and I haven't told anyone else since. AND I went for my 9 week u/s and on my way highway 1 was CLOSED due to snow and and accident, so I had to turn around and go home! What a waste of getting my kids up early and to a babysitter that was! And I have to wait an entire week to see if i've got a real swimmer in there or not.

On to my next tidbit! I don't know when i'll be able to hide it until. Being sick I gained about 5-7lbs during the last 5 weeks. With my history of being obese, when i'm stressed or sick I turn to comfort in the form of food. (sad). So with the weight gain, and the fact this is my 3rd (you know what I mean) I am popping out really fast! 

Next info I'd like recorded for this 'journal'. Funny story. I had to take Logan and Carter with me to my blood test, which went fine. Logan's look of shock and slight horror when I got the needle was cute lol. but he wasn't traumatized, he hasn't mentioned it since (and it's not the first time he's seen me get a blood test) - they also give them stickers (which they sadly know where the sticker cupboard is all on their own). But the funny part was when we went to the bathroom for my urine sample. Carter and Logan went potty first, then I 'peed in the cup' LOL Logan was like 'what are you doing??' - it was near impossible trying to explain to him that doctors need our PEE. I just sluffed it off and blew him off a bit LOL 

April 23 - today i went for the ultrasound to.see what my actual date is and if the baby is "alive". It was actually a disappointing appointment. So there is a heartbeat but its at 80-85 (measured 3 times apparently) which is extemely low. The heartbeat should have been on avg 120-160bpm. Anyways, the lady asked me to wait while she took.the results to the inhouse doctor (which ive done this enough.times to know something isnt right). The doc came and told me that its low.and i really need to follow up with my doc to see what "action we want to take" (meaning doppler or u/s) to follow up. As soon as i got out of the building I called my midwife to ask what this means. Basically she explained that i will be in limbo until our next visit.. it could go either way at this point. The one piece of information that I am Clinging onto with all the hope i can muster is the fact i am in fact measuring 10 weeks 1 day so baby has been growing. -sigh- my piece of mind ultrasound turned into a really stressful one! 

May 7th - strong heartbeat heard, very excited to be able to say we will be welcoming baby #3 (and our last but thats another blog lol) November 19th, 2014! 

 

Measles "scare"

I vaccinate my children. Not because i want to (I have read enough material in my studies that has reinforeced my opinion), but rather because I believe everyone either needs to, or everyone shouldnt. Since people are suddenly not going to give up doing vaccines, we have chosen to vaccinate.

That being said, I am so annoyed by this measles "outbreak" - and not the outbreak itself, but example, theres a few people on my facebook who are freaking out about it! Yes I dont wish measles on me nor my children nor anyone elses... but lets just do all in our own power (vaccinations, hand washing and sterilizing, avoiding public places if youre that worried, etc) and leave it up to the Lord. If we are meant to go down that road then we will go down that road.

I guess my biggest issue is just that people need to stop freaking out about unless theve got it ...and if you want to freak out about it, STOP DOING IT ON FACEBOOK :-)

Grandparents arent babysitters

This topic has come up with various friends recently. Everyone knows someone (or is someone) who falls into the category that when they are at gma and gpas house, they are on "vacation". I bet you know exactly what im talking about or a specific someone comes to mind.

I find it interesting when i look at me and michael. When our parents are around at our house or we are meeting them somewhere, michael and I have quite a hand in our children. We are more lax about certain things, and defi etly take advantage of the extra pairs of eyes.. but we are very careful to not "use and abuse" the grandparents.

That being said! The fascinating part is when we go to my parents house or michaels parents. My first -instinct- is to fall back into my own "im the child and my parents take of me" role. Being the personailty i am, i see and recognize that and try reeeally hard -not- to do that.  Michael has not figured that out 100%...and it took me many years to figure out why he was so different and acting so helpless (to a certain degree) when he was home. But a few years ago i figured it out - he totally falls back into that role as child.

Dint get me wrong, im not picking on michael and weve since had conversations about this. He is trainable. I jist think this a huge part of grandparent abuse - our reverting back to "children".

I think the major solution to this problem is that grandparents just need to say something. Since we are falling into "child" role it is in their every right to parent us appropriatly. "Hey stuart, take care of your daughter - shes getting into my garden and weve tried to tell her no but she isnt obeying" and "we are sitting down for a break, our eyes are no longer on the children". Or even more bluntly when necessary!

And for those personalities that are just lazy, i only can suggest that we be patient and kind with them. All we can do is take care of our own children and hope they learn thru example. We have to let grandparents set the rules and thus enforce them.

Anyways, just some thoughts ive been pondering :-)

Catch up

Well its been a while since my last blog. Just a quick catch up blog:

Logan - is well. He is definetly growing right now (complaining of body pains and aches). He is also pushing the limits and all my buttons. Definetly just in a phase right now. He is still a sweet and wonderful boy. Into lego and bionicles (hero factories) right now.

Carter - we are potty training. Hes not a natural. Itll be two weeks this monday. He is starting to not want to wear diapers, but he only makes it to the potty 40-50% of the time...but i think 10 days in we aee finally starting to see a wee wee bit of progress (no pun intended ha ha). Otherwise he is starting to play a bit better with others. He gets blamed alot for things because it was "always him" before, and some kids freak out just cuz he looks at them lol, so im veryc areful to only scold/punish in situations that truly deserve it otherwise i was feeling like he was in trouble all the time. Not a way to live and grow confidently!

Michael - loving his job! He went for some training into toronto a week ago. They gave him a huge raise too. On another note we had to take his truck in to our wonderful mechanic (it was to a point whrre it needed to be put up ona hoist and have work done). A huge bill but hopefully enoigh work done to fix the problems and run the truck the 3 more years we need it to run. Once my van is paid for then we will invest in a new-ish truck. (Never brand new but we will.go thru a dealer for sure)

Kyla - im same old same old. Im babysitting alot. Im using thr money against debt repayment. Id like to have our debt paid off in that same 3 year window if possible. Im getting very excited to build our deck this spring. First the steps going into the backyard, then our huge patio/deck. It will be so great. I love projects. Sadly i only have $4000 to work with - which means dura deck is completly oit of the questiom but itll be lovely! Anyways, im still training for the spartan race in august and im trying to master running a 5km. My best time so far is 35 mins...but generally i am 41 mins. Id like to be august be able to run it without 0-2 walking moments. On another note i was released as vt coordinator and am not compassionte service leader. I miss my calling but you do what you have to!

Anyways, thats all for this update!

Finally!

Well i finished the cleanse and kept on with keeping junk food (including processed sugar and flour/wheat) away. The junkiest food ive eaten is french fries - twice  over 3 weeks time. Combined with my regular exercise (5-7 times per week) and eating roughly 1300-1500 cals per day, i am down 6.5lbs already.

I have found my willpower and motivation and i feel great! (Aside from the headache issue lol) ...ive overcome some moments where id typically have eaten such and such or had a drink of pop, etc, and I have been able to pass it by.

Its taken years but im happy to be at this point....im hoping to be able to look back at this post for support and future motivation that it is doable!

Spartan race

So in august I have chosen to run the spartan 5km race. Its a race that includes challenging obstacles through out. My good friend and neighbor is also going to do the same race (plus some other people I know). Its going to be challenging but fun!

Anyways I have decided that there will need to be some training involved in order to do this race. My same friend/neighbor and I belong to the same rec center and we do workout videos together,  since deciding to do this race we have increased our workout regime together - I love having a motivating buddy to work with and its an equal drive (I've worked with people who werent in it as much as me and always fizzled out). Anyways...we have been working out together awhile but now I am able to combine good food choices and working out and hope to see results in my own body with my training for this race.

I just finished the wild rose cleanse and I feel great! I qas off processed sugar and most fruits and all wheat/flour for 12 days and I'm hoping to push thru as long as I can without Indulging in junk!

I've started using my fitness pal to do some tracking and ive got a network of friends on that too :-)

This is the year! I figured since I don't plan to be pregnant for at least awhile (I'd like to give my body a few months break) then I'm going to get into shape! My goal is 20 - 25 lbs and firm up in certain areas :-) and I want to be able to run 5km on thr track in 30 mins and outside in 45. 

Headaches

Wow I'm a blog roll! So I believe I mentioned in a past blog about my headache pre-miscarriage that was mainly illeviated after returning meat to my diet. Anyways about 6-8 weeks ago (I don't have exact dates) I started to have a headache and I'm talking a daily on going never stopping mild headache that excelerates with activity, etc.  I figured it was pregnancy related and then vegetarian related and then miscarriage related...which all played a part I'm sure!

Well, the miscarriage has since finished and here I am still with a headache.  I wss beginning to think maybe it was chemical linked cuz michael has been having a migraine almost once a week...which is a fairly new development as well.

Wendy my blood reader lady was here two days ago (Monday) and I expressed all of my thoughts going into my reading...and side story: my blood was all "muddled" and all my lymphocytes were out on patrol "fighting" off a cold I had (which I didnt know was bad until the end of the day!) And thus my live blood was not too useful in seeing chemicals and such....so on the dry analysis she said my neck was in bad shape - which I found funny cuz my neck feels just fine and normal. Anyways, we concluded that I would go get a massage and a chiro adjustment to see if this neck problem was linked to my headaches.

I called my neighbor who is a masseuse and she saw me that night and per usual my shoulders and upper back were tight and tense and then she got to my neck and it was definelty tender (always is tho). And then she held at the base of the skull - the sub occipital or occipital, can't remember - and they HURT something fierce! She said that was almost always where you hurt if you have whiplash. I said nothing comes to mind and she asked if I'd taken any falls. ..and that was when the lihht went on. About 6-8 weeks ago I slipped down my stairs almost top to bottom! My neck had hurt briefly but it felt fine within the hour so I thought nothing of it!

Today (wednesday) I went to the chiro and my c1&c2 were def in rough shape. After my adjustment I trult felt like i was floating! Instant (but not yet 100%) relief. I was even a little woozy walking to the van. 

It was just fascinating to me how I came to ny conclusion.  So now I'm treating as I'd I have whiplash - heat and ice. I will see my neighbor and chiropractor one more time and hope that cleans it all up for me :-)

the highly sensative child

My mom gave me a book for christmas called the Highly Sensative Child by Elaine Aron she gave me this book because I have "concerns" regardinf some of logans behaviors. Some of those things involve: sensative to noise, sensative to smell, sensative to overstimulation, picky eating, fear of failing (to the point of unwilling o even try)....and so on. Some of the specific events include I have enrolled him in a variety of sport classes and long story shortwe have been asked to leave/not come back from multiple places because he just could t participare in a new event - completly afraid of failing and other issues.

Other things: he is sensative to color (those who know logan know that he requres the color green for everything, he's sensative to peooles feelings, he is actually really well behaved because he doesn't want to fail and he doesn't want to feel ashamed, etc.

The one activity I have him enrolled in is music - its the only avtivity he will do and I think its because music is very expressive and 'emotional'.

Anyways, this book has really helped me in a lot of ways. Firstly helping me know that he has a -trait- and was not trained this way. I felt like maybe it was "my fault" because of how he was as a baby and how we dealt with thise issues....but its proof to me more than ever if his highly sensative trait he was born with and that we more than ever did the best thibg fir him by cosleeping and not forcing detachment between him and I, etc. Again, it is a great book because I see how common his personality type is and some pointers for helping raise a confident and strong/man.

Wi th that...I'm blogging from my phone so I'm ending this now :-) but stay tuned for more on my findings!

our summer bucket list for 2014

I know its early but I want to get this list in writing - it will take time to prepare and schedule  some of these things. And its ok to repeat any if these thru the year - just want to do them all at least once!

-go to the zoo
-go to the glenmore spray park
-go to Riley spray park
-go to Airdrie spray park
-go to Bowness park
-walk along the river
-wade and catch minnows in Jumping Pound creek
-go to the military museum
-go to the telus spark in the fall
-make a volcano
-have a scavenger hunt - nature and ABC one
-organize a group bike ride
-slip and slide party and picnic
-have an fhe art show
-play bocche
-play baseball and soccer in the fields
-sponge tag or at least sponge outside
-go on a walk with binocculars
-learn a magic trick
-visit the fire station in the fall
-build toothpick and marshmellow structures
-draw our neighborhood and go on a teeasure hunt
-write and mail letters to grandparents
-a letter a day (aBCs)
-tin can telephones
-pine cone or milk jug birdhouses
-gardening

Craft Ideas
-paint a picture with lemon juice and play in the sunshine to see what hapoens
-sand art
-make bookmark
-sock puppets
-paint rocks
-homemade instruments
-make moon dough
-nature rubbings
-make a paperchain
-family mailboxes

Miscarriage #5

Yup, it's true. Lucky me right?

I wanted to blog about this one because it really has struck a different cord for me. I have been 'indifferent' about all of my past miscarriages but this one really hurts, and that surprises me a bit.

Here's the major differences: we tried 9 months for this one (while past ones have been 1-2 months of 'trying'), I actually felt pregnant (which I learned is from something else that i'll explain later), and my best friend is due the day before I was, and I was due on my anniversary (which was kind of a neat idea, not that I wanted to share my special date but I liked the idea at the same time).

The 'feeling pregnant': from about weeks 5-8 I felt exhausted, nauseated, irritable, and headaches. Around week 7 I had a steak cuz I had a pounding headache, and it immediately stopped my headache. Then the day I had my ultrasound (at 8 weeks) and found out that there was no heartbeat and the baby measured small - thus a m/c I was like 'well why am I still feeling all of these things'? And even tho I didnt' want to give up vegetarianism cuz i've just been doing it for over 3 months now, I decided to add one portion of meat to my day. Three days later ALL of my symptoms were gone. Basically I just hadn't put two and two together and my body just couldn't do pregnancy, then miscarriage and vegetarianism all at once. I have read many vegetarians actually eat meat during their pregnancies cuz they feel better doing so. So I was self inflicting my 'symptoms' LOL. oh well, live and learn! Actually... I did -live and learn- ...now I can use that experience and knowledge down the road for myself and future clients.

Anyways, the story: as I said, went for my standard 8 week u/s and the ultrasound tech was awful. She didn't let me see the screen once (I have done this alot, that never happens), was uninformative and didn't say a word to me, was curt and cold. I actually had to ask -her- at the end, after she suggested I come back in 10 days, why. She said the baby was measuring small. I then asked if there was a heart beat - which there was not. And since I have 28 day periods on the DOT, I knew it was done. And now, this whole week for about an hour a day I have mild mild spotting - nothing more tho, which has me concerned. I have always passed my m/c no problem, so i'm really nervous and stressed that I will require a d&c...which I know I cannot handle (will require being put under). Sigh. I'm just sad and frusterated. And then I don't konw how I feel yet about 'trying again'. Realistically it'll take 2 months minimum for everything to get 'back to normal' - maybe longer. So to have a baby this calendar year is seemingly unrealistic. It could happen but i'm not sure i'm even ready to try. I'm so sick of the act of trying...I hated it being a chore, and I don't know that I want to live like that.

And that brings me back to our ideas of adoption and/or fostering. It was apparent to me years ago when we went through it that it was something we should do, but then things haven't gone to plan and finances certainly aren't allowing us to do so at this time either. So... I'm just trying to live my life and pay of debts and hope that I feel some comfort soon. I think that's what i'm missing...comfort. I don't know what to do with my thoughts. A temple visit and some serious prayer is in order...

So, I feel like i've 'mourned' but I feel different this time around. -shrug-

Okay! And I wrote the above part of the blog on TUESDAY the 14th, and as of Wednesday night 9pm the miscarriage started! I know it sounds weird, but I found some much joy and closure in this very act! I am now just in the period mode essentially for the next few days. I already feel so much better :) And even the idea of trying again isn't so scary to me - crazy how 'closure' can just flip you right around huh? :) Doing much better already!