Interesting fact

No baby yet. My friend Crystal however made a comment on the blog prior to this about how maybe my dates could be wrong - which got me thinking and reminded me that though I am 100% confident Logan was early, this baby was a different situation as I had only had 2 periods since my ectopic preg/surgery and frankly it's hard to say what my ovulation was like as I hadn't had -that- many periods prior to that as I had miscarried before the ectopic AND not terribly long before that just gotten periods after nursing. So yes it is a possibility that though I had 2 periods to track that the baby is not 'cooked' up to the 40 week point by Aug 28.

That being said I had a midwife appt today and this was the appt where they asked if i'd like my membranes swept, or however you call it, which if you're surprised or not, I said no to. Frankly it hurts me so badly 'down there' to go internal that I figured, why cuase all that extra emotional (and physical) turmoil when it's not a guarentee, and it only brings on labor if the baby is TRULY ready to come out! So they checked baby, everything feels and sounds right, etc. I did mention the 'could my dates be wrong' and well they looked back at my file and per my -period- dates, Aug 28th is my due date. Per my early dating u/s my due date could argubly be Sept 1 (tomorrow). So.. this week is my due week, but depending how you want to argue it determines what my due date could/should be. Confusing right? It's too bad babies come when 'they're ready' because all in all the above doesn't matter lol.

Still in the end I have been impatient, irritable and ready for this baby to be out for weeks! Lets see what the next few days bring!

If another person...

If one more person tells me that the 'baby will come when it is time' I am going to snap (more so than I already have). Don't people think I know that? It's like when someone passes away (yes poor comparison), but frankly I don't think anyone wants to hear 'it was his/her time to go' - frankly most people probably don't want to hear anything other than your sorry for their loss! Just be sorry for me, that's all I want. -_-

signed,
a Kyla that I hate being but can't help it at this present time no matter how hard I seem to try

Not coping well

Not doing well today at all. Miserable and just plain sad.

False Alarm

Last night (Aug 19) I had what I call a false alarm. Before you read this know that I will be quite detailed about what I was experiencing :)

First I woke up and had to pee quite substantially, which is something that I've noticed isn't common this pregnancy - usually I feel like I have to pee really badly but then it's an unsatisfying 'trickle' - well I had a very satisfying pee lol, which made me think 'hmm'. This was about midnight (also the exact time my water broke with Logan).

About 20 mins later I needed to go again! This time when I stood up out of bed I felt a VERY distinct 'drop' of the baby, followed by a very LOUD crack... my right hip that has been giving me grief this entire pregnancy totally cracked and I paused in my tracks immediatly thinking "am I broken?" but then quickly realized that it actually felt amazing! I could walk without limping/waddling and there was absolutely no pain! Well I then went and got a second very satisfying pee (lol) and then realized my tummy felt upset.

At this point i'm thinking, gee, what's going on - im sure I wouldn't be the only women to be thinking "is this the moment? is baby coming?" but I still didn't have any concrete evidence... sure i'd pee'd and sure i'd felt movement and sure I didn't feel well but that's not always labor.

Anyways, I went and laid on the couch and a friend of mine had texted me about half hour earlier in reply to a text I had sent her, so I responded and she was awake! So I had someone to chat with while I waited to see what happened. I was waffling the whole time whether or not to call the midwives and whether or not the icky tummy feeling was something just unsettled or if the crampy feeling was contractions. In the meantime I noticed that my tummy had gone completely mushy - like I mentioned earlier, I had felt a distinct drop and the baby was a good 1-2 inches lower, thus leaving that squishy skin between my chest/ribs and the top of the uterus.

I made an attempt to 'time' the pain, but there was absolutely no consistency and sometimes it would feel like a braxton hicks, sometimes a cramp, and sometimes just gurgling... Anyways, I lay awake until about 2:00am and finally decided it wasn't anything to disturb Michael about or the Midwives as nothing was escalating and nothing was changing, so in my exhaustion I finally fell back to sleep.

So of course now i'm overly hopeful that the baby is realy getting ready and will be on his/her way maybe even tonight, but my hopes and wishes have been crushed each and every time this far so i'm trying to bring my head out of the clouds and continue on. I do hope it comes tonight though for an extra reason that they are calling for +30 degrees here tomorrow, then +25 and higher all next week - I'd like to have baby before the heat hits!

PS. My latest symptom the past 3-4 nights has been something called pregnancy induced carpal tunnel - which flares up at night time for me.. Last night I actually taught Michael the carpal tunnel Bowen move (in it's most simple form, it's best used when you do a full balance, but obviously Michael isn't a Bowen Therapist so I do what I can) and it did WONDERS. My hands didn't even hurt at all last night! In fact, they didn't start hurting until about 6:30am when Logan crawled onto the couch with me and fell asleep on my arm, causing stress on the carpal tunnel nerve(s).

As of today this is my official longest pregnancy

I think with Logan I was just prepared for a 40 week pregnancy and when he came early it was a pleasant surprise - now that i've had an early pregnancy I want it again but there's just as much a chance of it coming tonight as there is for it to come in 2 weeks... scary.

Oh well, i'm sure i'm supposed to 'learn something' from all of this - but i'm not prepared to figure out what that is until a later date when I can put this miserable experience behind me and move forward with my beautiful baby boy or girl whom i'm VERY excited to meet :)

Full Moon/New Moon
PS. Interesting fact: apparently more babies are born on full moons (to the point that various hospitals have extra staff on a full moon), so my wish for a baby born on the 14th (also a full moon) was really intriguing to me... after I didn't get that I decided to look Logan's birth date up and see if he was on or close to a full moon - alas he was not..two weeks prior to him (so I would have been 36 weeks pregnant) was the FM. Logan was actually born on a "New Moon". And then I looked at my due date for this current pregnancy and my due date is actually on a new moon as well - isn't that funny? I can't make any kind of hypothesis or judgement yet about that but as far as new moon's go, there is no link to more babies being born on them, however again, depending when this child graces us with his or her presence I might be able to make a statement about my body liking NM's.

Grandma's Dream
My grandmother had a dream like a year ago that she would have 6 great grand-babies this year, 4 boys and 2 girls. Well, i'm the last and final and she's to date had 3 boys and 2 girls.. so by her guess/dream I'm supposed to have another boy. Also most people who look at me figure i'm having a boy as per the way i'm carrying. There are a few more girl guesses this time around (ex: my father in law keeps saying 'she') but mostly still boys.

Baby Names
I have my official girl and boy name picked out.. I do have some 'backups' in case baby doesn't look like the names we've chosen but it just sort of all fell into place as of this week as far as names go :) so i'm excited more than ever to see what gender we are given!

Something that just crossed my mind...

I was in much better shape when I was pregnant with Logan - I wonder what will happen during this labor/delivery because this time around I have -not- been able to work out at all due to sciatic, hip, back & 'down there' pain/discomfort. I will never be able to prove anything as far as it being linked if this 2nd delivery is worse, but it's just something that crossed my mind.

On another note - wish me luck as date #1 of choice comes into view tonight at midnight and all day tomorrow :) (the 14th as mentioned in past blogs) - officially 38 weeks tomorrow.

Charts

We have decided to incoorporate a few charts into our daily routine in our family.

Chart #1: The House Rules
Chart #2: The Bedtime Routine

The first has been placed by the time out chair and engulfs probably 95% of the reasons that Logan is in time-out at any given time. The goal is to point out and acknowledge that whatever his behaviour at the time, it was against the rules. The theory of something concrete to look at I guess. He's a wee bit young to fully comprehend but I figure if we start now it'll grow into an understanding. There are only 4 rules: 1. Respect and Love One Another (no hitting, no biting, no pushing, no whining), 2. Have Good Manners -> Be Polite (say thank you, please, bless you, excuse me), 3. Clean up and Share (help clean up toys and share our toys with our friends), 4. Have Regular Family Time (Monday night FHE, one-on-one time with Logan per parent weekly and a date night monthly for momm and daddy). Each time he's placed in time out he is reminded of the rule, which I have written in such a way that is a positive.

The second is a list of things that we do (with a cooresponding picture) at bedtime. 1. PJs, 2. TV Show, 3. Glass of milk, 4. Brush teeth (a reminder more for me then anything), 5. Bedtime story, 6. Lay down and go to sleep. I did this specifically as an attempt to allow Logan to see (via the pictures) what is to come next in the process so eventually he'll learn that after story (which is a new thing for us to incorporate) it's time to go to bed and mommy and daddy are -not- staying there in the room with him. Anyways, whether it's because he's learned it from me or whether it's a trait he  was born with, Logan is very routine based and I think this will be a positive.

The glorious thing to both these charts is it can be added to and changed. As he gets older and understands more we can maybe work in a reward system if his sleeping doesn't improve (bribary some may call it, but I call it coping lol.. what i'm referring to is something along the lines of a sticker for every night you slept without getting out of bed, and 5 stickers gets you a new toy - or something like that)

It's a new system as of today and hopefully it'll bring about the positive change i'm seeking - if it doesn't, i'll try something else, but I feel hopeful!

Logan's dietary changes - update

Update on Logan's dietary changes: he is eating super well, he's having great digestion/bowel movements (TMI), he's getting over his cold, he's not asking for junk near as much anymore, he even ate a bite of meat (just one) for probably the first time in 6 months (other than a McDonald's cheeseburger). He will try new things and eat all his food placed before him. Yesterday we started to notice his mood is improving - not as grumpy and not as defiant. He's well mannerd and pleasant most of the day - still trying to give up naps sometimes but not all the time, which is hard to read as a parent.. we try to put him down every day and being he's been ill he's 90% of the time going down the past week and a half. Only thing that has NOT improved and is in fact worsening (over the past month probably, so before we changed his diet) is his sleep. He's up 5-6 times a night for no reason other than for Michael to go up and tuck him back in. It's frusterating and despite our best efforts he still won't sleep through the night. I will be interested to see how long I last with an infant and a toddler who wake up all night. Maybe I'll have to learn to nurse in Logan's room on his wake up times? -_- We'll see..
That was a tangent, back to his dietary plan - the no dairy, no sugar has been wonderful in other aspects as well! The biggest most important is that he's eating in a way that I consider healthy. An average day consists of the following: Breakfast: toast or pancake (with just butter) and fruit (apple and/or banana and/or watermelon and/or cantaloupe). Snack: mixed nuts and if he asks for it, another fruit. Lunch: a sandwich (usually peanut butter and a very little amount of honey or jam) with cucumber, carrots, peppers, etc - finger food veggies. Snack: mixed nuts or the rest of his lunch if he didn't finish it, etc. Supper: whatever we're having - which i LOVE not having to cook a completely seperate meal.. I will modify what we're having so I know he'll enjoy it, but still, it's great. As far as beverages go, he drinks Soy milk at night only, and water. That's all. The OTHER really awesome part is that our grocery bill has dropped significantly! I don't have to any longer buy granola bars, fruit snacks, cookies, certain crackers, milk, cheese, 'junk', random chocolate bars, etc.

The end goal will be to keep this all up - we will add cheese back into our family and probably milk - but it won't be a 4L a week, more like a 2L a week, and it won't be a block of cheese every 1-2 weeks, it'll be a block of cheese every 2-4 weeks. Things like that... and we will not buy any of those junk foods anymore except for special occasions (like camping trips maybe? we'll see..) - i'd like to go with the philosophy that we don't need it in our home because when you're out and about you definetly get it at other places or on 'special occasions' which happen far more often than we think. We've already avoided going to 2-3 evens in the past week and a half just to avoid the food table.. which won't always be the case, but in the beginning it's important to be completely thorough I think.

Okay, that is all or i'll NEVER stop! Okay, that's not all lol.. one last point, it's been AWESOME having the boys on track because i've actually lost a few lbs because I no longer have the nibbling temptation of various junk foods in the house

Now that is all :)

Funny things

1. Logan doesn't eat apples - very rarely, and in the past when he has he'll take the apple and take mini bites and eat most of the skin and then be done with it. Well tonight he ate the ENTIRE apple. Yup, core and all.. all that was left was an actual 'adult sized' bite of apple and the stick. lol, took him about half hour but he wasn't willing to let it go. I didn't noticed when he was eating the core, but I do konw that they're safe to throw in when blending them, so I wasn't worried :)

2. We were sitting eating dinner and Logan was off playing (not an unusual thing). Michael felt prompted to go check on him and he was in the upstairs bathroom... Michael chuckles and says 'Logan!'. So he calls me over and I chuckle too.. I asked Logan what he was doing and he was "cleaning mommy"...and he had pumped out probably 6-8 pumps of the foamy hand soap and was rubbing it all over the bathroom counter top! hehe, I didn't have a camera handy or i'd have taken a photo. Definetly a memory i'd like to remember!

excrutiating pain (but if I remember correctly, not as bad as labour transition lol)

Last night I was having horrible stomach pain during the night.. as in, if I even tried to roll over on any other position other than one spot on either of my sides I thought I might just die! It was definetly baby related but not contractions... it wasn't a tummy ache - i'm just going to say it was baby prepping itself I guess. Lucky me!

Side note: I realized I have not slept a consecutive 8 hours since before Logan was born! (I can count how many times I have on one hand anyways)

Frusteration or Flattery?

Tonight Michael has taken Logan to the bouncy house. This last day or two in particular my body has -really- slowed down (like I physically can't move as quick or as readily as I once did which I did not experience with Logan's pregnancy). Anyways, tonight when he asked what I was going to do, I said I was going to clean. He actually was a little mad about that, so I inquired why that bothered him and he said I should be relaxing, etc. Yes I agree I should be relaxing HOWEVER I have a certain degree of cleanliness/tidyness I keep my house in and because of my recent slowing of the body things are just cluttering up (or whatever the case may be). I love my husband dearly but he is not the type of person who will see something on the floor and think to pick it up or not the kind of person that will notice that the bathroom kinda has a bad smell happening and think to wash the floor or toilet, etc. So that's fine as I probably would be too critical of his clean up job anyways (and I really enjoy cleaning - I just need the spare time occasionally to really get deep into it).

I tried to explain this to him but i'm not sure he really understands. More or less if I sat around and did nothing the house would just be that much more difficult and time consuming to tidy up later. Besides, a clean house makes me VERY happy and keeps my stress levels down - and being that I will be having a home birth I would like to know that each night before I go to bed a certain level of cleanliness has been reached so when I go into labor I will not have that stress of 'I need to clean the house before the midwives get here' on my mind (and sadly that is exactly where my mind would/does go).

So i'm flattered he cares enough about me to want me to have a nice relaxing moment - but i'm frusterated he doesn't get my reasoning. lol thus the title, frusteration or flattered? Can you be both?

Update on Logan and his dietary changes

It is now Tuesday afternoon and we started Logan's new diet (and Michael's of course) on Thursday night.

Logan's mood: Friday and Saturday were pretty awful, Sunday was 50-50 and Monday was better than Sunday but other symptoms were starting to pop up (which i'll talk about later). More or less you just have to think about how someone who is a drug addict is going to react to rehab. As long as at those moments we gave him a healthy snack he would typically be able to cope

Logan's food: He didn't eat much on Friday as he didn't want anything I offered (who would want healthy food when youv'e been living the good sugary life right?). By Saturday morning he was hungry and ate what he was served (ex: breakfast he had a piece of toast with butter and some cut up fruit). My goal for the weekend was to get him through the weekend without any processed sugary treats (no juice, fruit snacks, 'treats', etc) and I wasn't about to push the veggies at that point - I offered them but also had fruit for him available at every meal and either a peanut butter sandwich or a piece of toast or mixed nuts, etc. By Monday  he no longer asked for the treats he had been living off of and was now starting to ask for nuts and fruit, etc. We also got permission to add Almond Milk to his plan as the bedtime routine was a challenge without it - and frankly, who wants to drink water and ONLY water every day all day right? So at bedtime he gets a cup of that, and in the morning 1/2 a cup. (I don't want him to get addicted to it instead of milk so we limit the consumption at this point. Monday afternoon we purchashed from our friend's company Briden Solutions, some freeze dried peas, corn, and broccoli. Logan eats it like candy! No added preservatives, it's just straight freeze dried food storage. Being that it's expensive all at once we're stretching out our purchases, but that will definetly be something that will now be his new 'snack food'. (Anyone wanting info on these products contact me and i'll refer you to them).

Food wise Logan is doing AWESOME. Example: Last night for supper we had mixed veggies (carrots, corn, broccoli), meatballs, and potatoes - and he ate his food! Our end goal is going to be to not have any of that stuff in the house because he has plenty of opportunity to have it offered to him while out of home. Side note: we chose not to go to a birthday party/family get-together bbq thingy with some friends yesterday because we didn't want Logan to be tempted by the likely bags of chips, cake, and other treats that would be there.. he's still only 2 and just getting into his good habits. Once we're past this 2-4 weeks of adjustment then we'll get back into the swing of things and allow the occasional treat :)

Other symptoms: Logan broke out in a under-the-skin marbly rash on his arms and legs, and as of this morning (kind of a little last night too) he has a bad cough and runny nose. I spoke with a doctor and it's nothing to be concerned about (the rash was my biggest concern) and my nutritionist reassured me 'reactions' to elminating dairy is very common as your body is fighting itself in many ways - your respiratory system is in overdrive and of course the addiction to sugar and fighting that off. So we're just laying low today hoping he will recover quickly as we have a really busy week!

Anyways, feeling much better about our decision to do this to Logan - the way he is emotionally and physically reacting really shows to me that there are/were some problems there. I will definetly be able to say he's a healthy boy after we're all done with this! Now we just have to let people know not to give us any 'treats' for awhile. My own body has been grateful to have it all out of the house too! Michael is also doing well - he occasionally wants something he can't have at this time but he's definetly not reacting in such a way that he's ill like Logan. Michael isn't a big communicator so I can't really tell you what his reaction has been thus far.

Side note: I have had to actually go to the grocery store for more fruits and veggies today because between Michael AND Logan I actually ran out between my Friday trips! (Michael will eat Pineapple - ate a whole one to himself practically since Friday)

Midwives home visit appointment

Today one of the midwives came to our home to discuss all the details of a home birth and to see our space, etc. For those who don't know I have chosen to do a home birth for the safety of my baby. Personally I still would rather be in hospital but being that I require to be hooked up to antibiotics combined with the fact that Logan was such a fast birth (and 2nds are usually the same or faster), being home is truly the most logical and safe choice for my child.

It was a regular appointment otherwise. She came over, informed me I could use our room or the tub quite comfortably (meaning there's enough space for them, etc) and discussed the lists of things we need to have on hand (linens and things). I had told her I had a pool available to me - not for a water birth, but for a space we could use to contain the mess and what she told me surprised me. She said that home births are definetly not near as messy as a hospital birth. That confused me because it's not likea baby -knows- he/she is being birthed at home, and she said that being in a hospital situation the room is set up in such a way that they do not have to clean up as they go or keep it neat and tidy, but at home they are continually keeping it nice and clean as the birth progresses. That made me feel alot better.

Baby's heart rate is 130, and she/he is measuring right on track. Everytime I have had an appointment (since the baby's been 'big enough' to physically feel positioning) the baby's back/bum has been on my right side and the head down and limbs towards the left. Well last night I was laying in bed and let out a yelp - which of course startled Michael (pregnant lady yelps, who wouldn't jump right?). Anyways, I looked down at my belly and my left side suddenly was higher. I was like "i'm pretty sure the baby just flipped over to the other side" as that was 1. what it felt like as it happened, and 2. what it physically looked like! I proceded to poke and prod to me it surely seemed that was the case. Anyways, today when the midwife came I asked her where the back was and told her about last night. She said that absolutely I was right - the baby had flipped. She ALSO said that it was her experience that babies positioned on the left are quicker deliveries - she wasn't sure why but that was just her experience.

Otherwise I am going to be doing the 37 week GBS swab next week, and I am going to do one more round of the yeast infection medication, and after the swab if it's still positive they may try and treat me one more time with an IV antibiotic (if the baby isn't born yet). I expressed that I was nausiated and woozy - especially towards the evenings, but not limited to these days (most often the most nautious at midnight weirdly enough) and after taking my blood pressure she said i'm 'low-normal' so that probably is a factor.

Best comment she made to me (even though she of course has no say in the matter lol) was when I said that I was hoping/praying the baby is sooner than later she said that her gut and feelings made her think that it would be. :) So here's hoping the midwife's gut instinct is right!

Best comment from Logan: (scenario: just did the heartbeat and I sat up on the couch, logan beside me) "come out baby - out! Come on" and he poked and patted my tummy in a gentle manner.