Bit of a downer blog but need to vent

Bah. I dont care what anyone says, i hate gaining weight in pregnancy and i have gained a ton of unnecessary weight - in fact i was gaining weight very slowly leading up to this oregna cy. Clothes dont fit me, my.body is spreading, and i feel horendously unattractive. The sad part is im only 17 weeks along so i have 5 months of this agony to go. I have small.spurts of days where i have a good handle of food i consume, but generally i feel like i have.no will power and no way to get back into my regular routine of how i felt best eating. I do.quite well in my meals,but its the snacks and preparing food and snacks for my children that is challenging... and evening snacks. I feel like a whale and i feel like ill never be able to get my 140lb body back. It just feels hopeless and ive studied nitrition and know what i should be doing,- but how do you get back to it?? Im thinking about weighing and measuring again... now that the first trimester nausia is over and its summer but holidays and camping make me not want to eat well cuz i want to have a marshmellow or two etc.

I battle weight always and forever. I feel like a broken record. I hate how i feel. Its annoying. I hate the fact that i have to be hugely strict.on my diet if i want to weigh 140 (and thats not even a small weight realistically) and i hate that i cant jist eat 1 cookie for example without wanting to eat 10 more or sometimes actually eating them! I feel often like my body is cursed.

I am constantly reminding myself that i am a child of God and every body is beautiful. And i have to remind myself of this many many times a day. -sigh- i could really use a break from myself!

Pregnancy #8, Baby #3

It's April 19th and I decided I needed to write a blog to post at a later date when i'm ready to 'announce'. I am either 8 or 9 weeks along today. This was a bit of a surprise as I really wasn't planning to be pregnant right now. I was waiting...and frankly it's a miracle the -one- time ...you know... -wink- I was almost due for my -next- period, but I was obviously meant to have this child because I am pregnant anyways. A pregnancy test did not show positive until 4 days past my period due date. (and why this seems so weird to me is because I have been a 28 day ON THE DOT cycle essentially since I've been married - or sooner! I just can only recollect as far back as married life beginning). Anyways, there you have it, i'm pregnant. 

My first two pregnancies (that lasted full term) were night and day pregnancies. I'm not sure what to catagorize this one as? Because it's completely opposite of the boys'! This is the first pregnancy I have been sick. I have been SO sick! I called my midwives and they've prescribed me some diclectin which helped. The past two days are the first days I haven't been nauseated. I'm slowly coming out of it. And those of you that remember, I was SICK for 3 days - and it was not a pregnancy related illness. I was actually truly sick, it just extenuated the nausea (that's when I started the diclectin). 

Another funny tidbit. I actually didn't tell Michael until I was 7 weeks lol. Why do you ask? Well my original plan was to wait until my 8-10 week ultrasound (I always get one with my miscarriage history, and I'm curious what im dating at because of when a preg test showed positive). I wanted to surprise Michael and be like 'i'm pregnant and i'm ACTUALLY pregnant!'. But, 7 week mark was when I was extreme sick, and the week prior to that I had been going to bed basically when he got home because I was sick and exhausted. I blamed it on my insomnia, but it was combination insomnia and pregnancy. Anyways, my plan didn't work out, and I haven't told anyone else since. AND I went for my 9 week u/s and on my way highway 1 was CLOSED due to snow and and accident, so I had to turn around and go home! What a waste of getting my kids up early and to a babysitter that was! And I have to wait an entire week to see if i've got a real swimmer in there or not.

On to my next tidbit! I don't know when i'll be able to hide it until. Being sick I gained about 5-7lbs during the last 5 weeks. With my history of being obese, when i'm stressed or sick I turn to comfort in the form of food. (sad). So with the weight gain, and the fact this is my 3rd (you know what I mean) I am popping out really fast! 

Next info I'd like recorded for this 'journal'. Funny story. I had to take Logan and Carter with me to my blood test, which went fine. Logan's look of shock and slight horror when I got the needle was cute lol. but he wasn't traumatized, he hasn't mentioned it since (and it's not the first time he's seen me get a blood test) - they also give them stickers (which they sadly know where the sticker cupboard is all on their own). But the funny part was when we went to the bathroom for my urine sample. Carter and Logan went potty first, then I 'peed in the cup' LOL Logan was like 'what are you doing??' - it was near impossible trying to explain to him that doctors need our PEE. I just sluffed it off and blew him off a bit LOL 

April 23 - today i went for the ultrasound to.see what my actual date is and if the baby is "alive". It was actually a disappointing appointment. So there is a heartbeat but its at 80-85 (measured 3 times apparently) which is extemely low. The heartbeat should have been on avg 120-160bpm. Anyways, the lady asked me to wait while she took.the results to the inhouse doctor (which ive done this enough.times to know something isnt right). The doc came and told me that its low.and i really need to follow up with my doc to see what "action we want to take" (meaning doppler or u/s) to follow up. As soon as i got out of the building I called my midwife to ask what this means. Basically she explained that i will be in limbo until our next visit.. it could go either way at this point. The one piece of information that I am Clinging onto with all the hope i can muster is the fact i am in fact measuring 10 weeks 1 day so baby has been growing. -sigh- my piece of mind ultrasound turned into a really stressful one! 

May 7th - strong heartbeat heard, very excited to be able to say we will be welcoming baby #3 (and our last but thats another blog lol) November 19th, 2014! 

 

Measles "scare"

I vaccinate my children. Not because i want to (I have read enough material in my studies that has reinforeced my opinion), but rather because I believe everyone either needs to, or everyone shouldnt. Since people are suddenly not going to give up doing vaccines, we have chosen to vaccinate.

That being said, I am so annoyed by this measles "outbreak" - and not the outbreak itself, but example, theres a few people on my facebook who are freaking out about it! Yes I dont wish measles on me nor my children nor anyone elses... but lets just do all in our own power (vaccinations, hand washing and sterilizing, avoiding public places if youre that worried, etc) and leave it up to the Lord. If we are meant to go down that road then we will go down that road.

I guess my biggest issue is just that people need to stop freaking out about unless theve got it ...and if you want to freak out about it, STOP DOING IT ON FACEBOOK :-)

Grandparents arent babysitters

This topic has come up with various friends recently. Everyone knows someone (or is someone) who falls into the category that when they are at gma and gpas house, they are on "vacation". I bet you know exactly what im talking about or a specific someone comes to mind.

I find it interesting when i look at me and michael. When our parents are around at our house or we are meeting them somewhere, michael and I have quite a hand in our children. We are more lax about certain things, and defi etly take advantage of the extra pairs of eyes.. but we are very careful to not "use and abuse" the grandparents.

That being said! The fascinating part is when we go to my parents house or michaels parents. My first -instinct- is to fall back into my own "im the child and my parents take of me" role. Being the personailty i am, i see and recognize that and try reeeally hard -not- to do that.  Michael has not figured that out 100%...and it took me many years to figure out why he was so different and acting so helpless (to a certain degree) when he was home. But a few years ago i figured it out - he totally falls back into that role as child.

Dint get me wrong, im not picking on michael and weve since had conversations about this. He is trainable. I jist think this a huge part of grandparent abuse - our reverting back to "children".

I think the major solution to this problem is that grandparents just need to say something. Since we are falling into "child" role it is in their every right to parent us appropriatly. "Hey stuart, take care of your daughter - shes getting into my garden and weve tried to tell her no but she isnt obeying" and "we are sitting down for a break, our eyes are no longer on the children". Or even more bluntly when necessary!

And for those personalities that are just lazy, i only can suggest that we be patient and kind with them. All we can do is take care of our own children and hope they learn thru example. We have to let grandparents set the rules and thus enforce them.

Anyways, just some thoughts ive been pondering :-)

Catch up

Well its been a while since my last blog. Just a quick catch up blog:

Logan - is well. He is definetly growing right now (complaining of body pains and aches). He is also pushing the limits and all my buttons. Definetly just in a phase right now. He is still a sweet and wonderful boy. Into lego and bionicles (hero factories) right now.

Carter - we are potty training. Hes not a natural. Itll be two weeks this monday. He is starting to not want to wear diapers, but he only makes it to the potty 40-50% of the time...but i think 10 days in we aee finally starting to see a wee wee bit of progress (no pun intended ha ha). Otherwise he is starting to play a bit better with others. He gets blamed alot for things because it was "always him" before, and some kids freak out just cuz he looks at them lol, so im veryc areful to only scold/punish in situations that truly deserve it otherwise i was feeling like he was in trouble all the time. Not a way to live and grow confidently!

Michael - loving his job! He went for some training into toronto a week ago. They gave him a huge raise too. On another note we had to take his truck in to our wonderful mechanic (it was to a point whrre it needed to be put up ona hoist and have work done). A huge bill but hopefully enoigh work done to fix the problems and run the truck the 3 more years we need it to run. Once my van is paid for then we will invest in a new-ish truck. (Never brand new but we will.go thru a dealer for sure)

Kyla - im same old same old. Im babysitting alot. Im using thr money against debt repayment. Id like to have our debt paid off in that same 3 year window if possible. Im getting very excited to build our deck this spring. First the steps going into the backyard, then our huge patio/deck. It will be so great. I love projects. Sadly i only have $4000 to work with - which means dura deck is completly oit of the questiom but itll be lovely! Anyways, im still training for the spartan race in august and im trying to master running a 5km. My best time so far is 35 mins...but generally i am 41 mins. Id like to be august be able to run it without 0-2 walking moments. On another note i was released as vt coordinator and am not compassionte service leader. I miss my calling but you do what you have to!

Anyways, thats all for this update!

Finally!

Well i finished the cleanse and kept on with keeping junk food (including processed sugar and flour/wheat) away. The junkiest food ive eaten is french fries - twice  over 3 weeks time. Combined with my regular exercise (5-7 times per week) and eating roughly 1300-1500 cals per day, i am down 6.5lbs already.

I have found my willpower and motivation and i feel great! (Aside from the headache issue lol) ...ive overcome some moments where id typically have eaten such and such or had a drink of pop, etc, and I have been able to pass it by.

Its taken years but im happy to be at this point....im hoping to be able to look back at this post for support and future motivation that it is doable!

Spartan race

So in august I have chosen to run the spartan 5km race. Its a race that includes challenging obstacles through out. My good friend and neighbor is also going to do the same race (plus some other people I know). Its going to be challenging but fun!

Anyways I have decided that there will need to be some training involved in order to do this race. My same friend/neighbor and I belong to the same rec center and we do workout videos together,  since deciding to do this race we have increased our workout regime together - I love having a motivating buddy to work with and its an equal drive (I've worked with people who werent in it as much as me and always fizzled out). Anyways...we have been working out together awhile but now I am able to combine good food choices and working out and hope to see results in my own body with my training for this race.

I just finished the wild rose cleanse and I feel great! I qas off processed sugar and most fruits and all wheat/flour for 12 days and I'm hoping to push thru as long as I can without Indulging in junk!

I've started using my fitness pal to do some tracking and ive got a network of friends on that too :-)

This is the year! I figured since I don't plan to be pregnant for at least awhile (I'd like to give my body a few months break) then I'm going to get into shape! My goal is 20 - 25 lbs and firm up in certain areas :-) and I want to be able to run 5km on thr track in 30 mins and outside in 45.