Just need to vent about weight loss

It's no secret that I want to lose a bit of weight and it's not secret my body does not make it easy on me. My most recent frustration is that I have spent the last month being very strict (because I specifically joined a weight loss challenge group) and I have lost basically nothing. The first week I dropped 3 lbs (but I consider that my flux weight - I was at the top of my flux weight before the challenge started), and I have gained back 2 of the 3 lbs as of this morning, almost 4 weeks later.

I am REALLY irritated. I have been careful not to exercise too much because I put myself on a 1250 cal diet - so my exercise was an occasional run or a zumba class or a Barre class - I even tried YOGA out (and I despise yoga!) lol.

I am seriously considering liposuction on my buttocks area because that's the area that my WHOLE LIFE I have tried to shrink down with no success.

Anyways I feel extremely deflated. In the past 6-9 months I have done everything from a suggestion a friend made that I wasn't eating enough calories so I ate a 1800 calorie diet for about 2 months. I never gained nor lost and it brought about SERIOUS craving issues for me which I have spent most of my life trying to overcome - there were days I had to sit back and force myself not to engorge on food after already eating at least 1800 cals already for the day. Everyone's experiences are different and my experience is that I want food. ALL. THE. TIME. I eat a meal and am never full. I have taught myself to stop eating - I am never satisfied. I have taught myself and feel most sane around the 12-1400 cal mark because I get enough fuel to be ok, and then if I do indulge on anything its not shooting me up into weight-gain.

I have done cleanses, I have done/do healthy eating, I exercise, I meditate, I do energy work. It's just all so deflating like I mentioned earlier.

NOW for the positive: Yes I whined above but sometimes you can't help how you feel. Let me tell you though that I actually like my body. Just because I have a dream of where I want it, doesn't mean I hate my current body. I have my trouble areas but I love my body shape! I am very lucky that I have elastic skin and have little stretch marks (they are white and hard to see), I am grateful that I am health conscious and that I'm teaching my children how to be healthy as well. I am grateful I can run and exercise without pain or discomfort.

There's always something to be grateful for, and I haven't given up... I just feel annoyed today :)

CRUISE 2017

It's almost here!!!

2017 is the year Michael and I have our 10 year wedding anniversary, so I told him 2 years ago that I want to go somewhere WARM for our 10 year without our children. Turns out Damen will be over 2, so I don't mind leaving him with grandparents at that time.

Michael and I LOVE a good cruise. We have never done a land resort mind you, but either way it has to be all inclusive - we love all inclusive and we loved our Alaskan cruise because of that! We didn't have to think about anything other than being back on the boat by 7.

We have a lot of friends interested in joining us  - which i'll believe it when they actually BOOK lol but how fun it would be to have friends there!

Where are we going? Well that's the billion dollar question. It'll be Caribbean of some sort. I would like to go in February before spring breaks hit and (aside from this year) February is generally cold! There's a lot more cruise options in the Carribbean than I ever imagined there to be! No matter what it'll be amazing i'm sure :)

Update on the kids health wise

I have found Martha at the Amaryllis Centre for Healing and she has done miracles in our family.

ME: I had a really neat experience where she had some wonderful insight and advice about my body. She told me that somewhere along the line my body heard the phrase(s) "you need some meat on those bones" and similar phrases and that deep down I believe that that is truth to be a good women, mother, wife, etc. And it was interesting she said that because the SHIDELER side of the family is constantly saying things like that - my dad, my grandma, and other members. So she sent me home to do some personal meditation and she did some energy work to release those thoughts, etc. That was one of a few really profound things she came up with.

Carter: She explained to me that Carter is likely not going to be a strong book learner (which is VERY apparent), but is very wise to the world. She felt a native presence in him when she worked on him and expressed she felt that wisdom in him - like for example the "elders" of a native tribe  - that kind of wisdom, and expressed he is going to be quite earthy as a person and to let him get dirty and go without shoes, etc. (he does that already and a few thing she said just made me feel better about carter because we are struggling heavily with him)

Logan: He was my most profound as far as changes in him.
1. He has neck issues. Hates wearing helmets, won't let anything near his throat, etc. She had some neat ideas as to why and after she worked on him, the next day he was EXTREMELY sensitive - couldn't even put a shirt on (things were shifting). This is a work in progress but i've seen big changes thus far.
2. He is a picky eater. She worked on it and he has eaten things he has NEVER eaten before and he has tried things he would gag and cry and fuss over the idea of eating such foods - has had 1-2 bites without a second thought.
3. He has a temper. Oh this one bugs me, he stomps and slams doors as soon as something is frustrating or hard. It has been almost 2 weeks with no temper tantrum (from at least 1 a day).
4. And then the little things she did have just changed his demeaner in a lot of ways - not positive or negative but just changed. Also not bad or good per say, just changed! He is a sweet heart and still the same, he just handles things differently

Damen: Damen is almost 15 months. As you may remember from my blog about him I spent his whole life working on him. He has been doing SO well! This past month I introduced wheat products and a week or two later I introduced dairy. He has a mild wheat intolerance per his blood reading, but it doesn't give him a visible stomach ache which is great - so we just keep it to a minimum (like for example i'll give him a chicken nugget thats breaded, but I won't give him a full blown sandwich yet). He seems to have a bit more of a sensativity to milk or cheese (not sure which as he hasn't had much of either but had them both at the same time) because shortly after he broke out in eczema in his elbows and armpits - not severe but never had any prior to having wheat/dairy. SO! Not bad :) He is pretty clingy right now but otherwise is a VERY happy little boy. :) He is social and flirty and fun and he holds  a very special part of my heart. I have my predictions what he's going to be like as he grows!

Grade 1 almost done!

Well, We are almost complete Grade 1! And I knew we'd be done early, but I didn't think we'd be done in FEBRUARY. I have slowed right down and I am going to make it stretch into March. It has been heavy on my mind however because I don't know what to do from this point. Do I review? Do I move onto grade 2? Do I just give him a 4-5 month break?

So many choices! This particular situation would be handled differently with every child. Logan however after much much much thought and discussion I have decided to move into Grade 2 material after we address any areas of weakness (ex: penmanship).

Let me tell you a bit about Logan. Logan is a natural learner. I take no credit for his brain - he just gets it. Everything. He remembers everything too. We have had to discuss a topic once or twice and he is good to go. At his last assessment with our facilitator he is already reading at a grade 2, almost grade 3 level. He has areas of weakness like most, but in all subjects we don't have to linger anywhere for very long. It's been phenomenal to watch and learn from him!

I am definitely very proud of him - and I don't like to throw the proud word much as I think it can quickly turn into pride, but he works hard and fights with us a bit about it but generally he loves to learn!

And a side note: we have him in the following activities: homeschool gym day, piano lessons, horse back riding lessons and presently 4 week skating program. He also swims every friday with Michael and Carter as "swimming lessons". oh and he is in Beavers. He is a VERY busy boy yet not that busy LOL - he loves it. The riding lessons have been great on his "wimpyness" I'll call it, he is a hard worker and listens closely and is learning a lot of life skills from it - I wish it weren't so expensive because we really can't afford it but the benefits outweigh the negative points.

We look forward to summer break! We will have NO extra activities this year - summer is truly going to be a break and time to play in water and outdoors and as a family.

Kindergarden update (march)

Well i have zero regrets in my decision to homeschool. :) Logan is a fantastic reader, decent writer, great at math, and a natural learner all around. Sure he doesnt always want to do school, but he loves that he can read and write and sound things out. Since damens birth i basically gave up everything except reading and math. Whenever i found time we would do a craft or science or the "fun stuff" - just not as structured as when we started. We turn most of our lives into a natural lesson. We talk about geography and the earth and traffic laws and money! Its great.

But all in all Logan is right in track with his peers and i enjoy watching him excel! He amazes me. Hes the best firstborn a mom could ask for

Carter is even getting on the educational train :) he is bit more on the -not interested- side, but i got him his own workbook and i am extremely cautious not to criticize him at all or he wont do any of it. By this age logan was much farther ahead on the learning front - but t just proves to me (and teaches me) that i will have to work with them each much differently. But carter has been excited to "do my school" as he calls it - even if he does it strictly for mommy time, im ok with that!

Damen's Journey - updated apr 24

Damen’s Progress Report (I am adding to this blog on a regular basis so it may be a bit all over the place feeling at times but i wanted to keep his journey in one blog post as opposed to multiple ones)

As many of my ‘readers’ know we have had what the world defines as a “colicky” baby. I have always hated that word, and will continue to hate it because I don’t like it! I think there’s always a –reason- for discomfort and distress, it’s just a matter of finding out what it is and how to address it. Granted in babies, it’s harder because they can’t communicate outside of their constant crying.

Some backstory: I had a terrible pregnancy mentally and in some cases physically (but mostly mentally), and I had my worst delivery as far as delivery goes between the 3 boys. So frankly I’m not surprised I have a “negative” baby out of the mix. He didn’t have much a chance being his entire utero experience was negative. He spent the first 2-3 days of his life basically just straight sleeping. I don’t blame him... what an experience it is for them coming from the womb! He “growled” his first three days. Sounded like a little motorbike. I suspected it was gunk in his throat, etc from swallowing or something. Then the days went on and the SCREAMING and crying started. Damen has a voice like no other. And he is 0 to 100. That’s how he rolls... no in between lol

Well as the weeks went on I was aware of his fussing, and I could tell it was definitely gastro-intestinal discomfort with the way he moved and wriggled in pain. I decided to wait until 6 weeks to “do” anything about it because there’s a lot of development that happens that first 6 weeks of life. (outside of doing some Bowen therapy on him of course and I took him to the chiropractor that I see). Then the 6 week mark hit and he was still in just as much discomfort as before. Now I started to get a game plan in place. So over the next 2-4 weeks we did the following at various times:

1.       Chiropractor – I found my chiro when I was pregnant with Carter. She has worked on me and all of my children and she uses a machine (and manual when needed) that taps. It’s gentle yet effective and I love it. She made sure that Damen was aligned. He had some restrictions that I noticed in his neck and hips so with her help we got him loosened up.

2.       Baby Bowen & Meridian Massage – I of course do Bowen Therapy, so I when I could did baby bowen on Damen. I, after the fact learned that it is safe to use any of the bowen procedures on babies, which I didn’t know. I assumed the baby bowen moves were the only approved ones for infants. Interesting about the Meridian Massage: it is something from my Touch For Health training. My sister in law mentioned her colicky baby had some meridian issues which relieved his colic, so I thought why don’t I “run” Damens and his neurovasculars, neurolymphatics, etc. He strangely enough was very uncomfortable when I did this work, especially if I did anything energetic around his head.  In fact, I could not even hold certain spots on his head because he just screamed in agony! I was shocked at how sensitive he was to the energetic work. I stuck at that point to just “running his meridians” as I didn’t’ want to overdo it on his poor body.  (The image is called the time of day balance but it is the only picture I could find that displayed all the meridians in one photo)

3.       Kari Rose – she is a practitioner that does not have a “title” per say, she has a ton of different energy work styles she does including craniosacral, visceral, etc. It’s a hands on therapy that uses energy to balance the body. She got Damen’s organs “in place” and he had a few releases with these 2 sessions.

 

4.       Naturopath – Carrie Mitchell got me committed and motivated to do the “breastfeeding diet” as I have been calling it. This consists of eating a whole foods diet which includes the rules of no corn, no wheat, no dairy, minimal carbs (rice, potatoes), and minimal or no gas-producing vegetables/fruit (cucumbers, zucchini, onion, pineapple, etc). Outside of that I did not find a natuopath helpful as she didn’t really have much information for me that I didn’t already know or was already doing.

5.       Infant Massage – Damen really enjoyed his infant massage. I took him to Rosanne deBeautrap and I did not notice any profound results from it per say, but Damen just was very happy and content to be professionally rubbed. J and considering his state up to this point I think that was a very important experience for him to have – something positive and enjoyable that feels good to his body

6.       Live&Dry blood analysis – in February 2015, this blood analysis appointment was a real turning point in my knowledge base of what was really going on with Damen. I am quite well versed in this because I host Wendy (the practitioner) at my home this past year, plus have been receiving blood analysis yearly for over a decade myself.  I’ve seen a large variety of screen shots. Damens was TERRIBLE! He has major digestive problems. He is NOT digesting well, and his colon and intestines and entire digestive tract are completely inflamed. Also he is full of mucous – which isn’t shocking because mucous is a self defense of the body when there is distress or injury, etc. He also has intestinal bacteria. candida, stress and parasites due to the state of his poor little body. Then March 2015 (6 weeks later) he was mildly improved. Parasites were gone, but his digestive tract was still enflamed with minimal improvement. I listed below some of the supplements I used based on our findings. (Sadly with Damen being an infant there’s not many proven or tested products, so we have been truly trial and error)

7.       Body Talk – March 12^th we did this latest modality. When I called around looking for a practitioner, I was specifically looking for someone to tell me if I was eating any foods specifically that were causing Damen his discomfort (kind of like in touch for health you can use muscle testing to determine sensativities). At the Amarylis Center here in Cochrane a lady named Martha was recommended. I had never met this lady and it was a true experience! She is VERY energetically driven and I believe she truly has a great gift. Some of it was beyond my belief system and was a little ‘out there’ – and coming from me, that means something haha! She told me that Damen is an old soul type personality, and very sensitive to others and their energies. She told me that he seemingly felt obligated to some spirits (on Michael’s mom’s side of the family). She told me (by name) that a boy I babysit named Grayson combined with Carter (on days that they don’t get along) that it really affected Damen’s energy field negatively. She was able to tell me about how my negative birth really affected mine and Damen’s bonding in the beginning (which it did), and she told me how Michael’s inability to communicate through conflict really ‘hurts’ him on a deep level. She said that alot of this negative stuff was bogging down Damen’s digestive system. (which take it how you will, but combined with my knowledge and experiences with various modalities, alot of this stuff makes sense to me and I felt very good about the information she gave me).
-Side bar: Earlier I mentioned Damen’s head and not being able to do any work around it. That was one of the first things Martha picked up on and she said even SHE wasn't going to work on it. She says that she feels almost all of his “issues” are based around his head – physically and emotionally and energetically. She said she could work on it but she felt strongly that a colleague of hers who is an osteopath would be better suited for Damen’s case. So we have him booked in for a session with Dr. Jeffrey next week.

8.       Young Living Oil – Digize. We just started this March 16^th – here’s the information I have about it:

9.       Osteopath: March 26th, 2015 I took Damen to see Dr Geoffrey's who is an osteopath from England who was in town that Martha the Body Talk lady referred us to. No idea what an osteopath is going in, still really no idea what one is going out of it LOL but I am pretty open to trying new things in the holistic world. Dr Geoffrey's used tuning forks to balance Damen. First he did some energy craniosacral stuff on his head to release some of the incredible tension in his skull, then moved on to the forks. Basically he tapped them together and moved them around different energy fields searching for an imbalance. The tune of the forks would make a different sound in an imbalanced field (and it's true, his small intestine area made a twangy sound at the beginning of the session). So he finished his session and sent me home with some great information (gonna post about it further down regarding how to start feeding him solids) and said give him 3 days and see what happens. After 2 days I was feeling like it was a total waste of $100 and then the next day I was (oddly enough) pleasantly surprised by a big huge bright yellow poop! Up to this point his poop has been green and murky and mucousy and smelly, and then BAM - yellow! The green stuff is a sure sign of improper digestion and poor liver function, etc and it should be the yellow stuff, so I was (for one of the few times in my life I can say this) excited to see that! And then his nose... he has had a hugely runny nose now for just over a day - which to me is exciting because he must be draining some of the mucous that I mentioned previously was ALL over his insides! So, I am pleased with the tentative outcome :) 

Kari Rose and the Chiropractor and Bowen worked on Damen’s physical self – “realigning” his structural self, which had some definite misalignments, and he had some success with these practitioners. Meridians and Martha with her body talk worked on the emotional/energetic front more. Unfortunately, It’s sadly trial and error because there is not much you can give a child in the supplement world. What we've come up with is:

1.       Aloe vera (I have a tasteless liquid brand) – a few drops for a few days then a few days off

2.       D-drops continued

3.       Probiotic – I use baby Gaia drops twice a day

4.       Me: Herbasante Parazap for the parasites – hoping it crosses the milk barrier

5.       Me: Fenugreek for the mucous – hoping it crosses the milk barrier

6.       Me: Probiotics, omega 3s, multivitamin/min, B12 – promote extra healthy milk

So the theory we are going with is that Damen will get what he needs from these things through my milk to help his digestive tract. I do realize that maybe he is just under-developed in the digestive tract, and “time will heal all wounds” so to speak. Damen stopped crying at the 3 month mark but he still groans and grunts when eating, and has smelly diapers (for someone on “perfect milk”) and has a lot of dirty diapers – more than I’d say is normal but not enough to cause a doctor to be concerned.

My worst case scenario thoughts are that Damen has crohnes disease or something along the lines of that (it runs in my family which is why I suspect it at all). Tho, if we get that far to need to see a doctor, I will still look for other alternatives because I don’t want to put my baby through that kind of invasive testing if I can help it. My doctor is not on the same wavelength as I am. I saw him to get a note for Damen to receive massage treatments (for our benefits we require a note), and upon inquiring his thoughts on colic, he blatantly said to give up nursing and bottle feed ‘that’ll fix it’. So, going to see my doctor isn't top on my list.

Anyways! Here’s praying my newest info and journey lead us in the right direction and I can help my poor sweet baby feel better and be the happy baby I know he wants to be!

Feeding my baby solids when the time comes: Dr Geoffrey's suggested I look into www.gaps.me to look at the diet she recommends when starting babies on solids. Now the site is a bit over the top for me, but -generally- I am very pleased with the food program for starting new babies. Basically it's a bone-broth diet. You start your baby on broths, then eventually add vegetables to it, then eventually meat, etc. I plan to keep Damen gluten and dairy free for his first year (at least) since he's had such a tough go. (Which is another blog in itself as I am planning to make our household gluten free and dairy limited). The broth diet is easy on the digestive system while introducing some great nutrients into the body at the same time, so I am excited to give it a go!

April 9th 2015
so here I am about to write how good Damens bowels have been doing after his osteopath appointment, and about 3 days ago I notice the scent and mucous are starting to creep bacK minor.  So almost 3 weeks isn't bad! The color is still yellow at least. But then thIS morning I change his diaper and there is blood in his stool :(. Called health link and they said monitor it for 3 days and if the majority of his stools contain blood then take him in. Anyways! Here's hoping it's an isolated incident.

April 12th:

We had two diapers on the 9th with blood then none the next few days and then more today. I see a pediatric doctor tomorriw for Carter so I will inquire there but my current suspicion is "allergic colitis" - fits the bill in many ways.

April 24th:
Last week we took Damen for another Body Talk session with Martha Birkett. It was amazing! Damen was sound asleep the entire session. She worked on him right in his carseat (touching his head and tummy and arms, etc) and he slept through the whole thing. Then I felt inspired to ask her to 'talk' to Damen about his sleep and if there's something wrong with his room/crib because ALL our kids have rejected sleeping in the crib (Carter the least). What she found that it was something linked to Michael. Whether it was him or something/someone linked to him she wasn't sure but Michael needed to be cleared. By shear fluke (or maybe not?) Michael came to the appointment with us. She started to clear him using tuning forks and Damen suddenly starts thrashing in his carseat and instantly screaming! HE was not wanting to let it go whatever it was. I picked him up and soothed him and he very intently, furrowed brow, watched Martha over the next 12 minutes while she cleared Michael. Michael all the while said he felt tingly. By the end Damen slowly calmed and settled and relaxed, and just before Martha finished Damen let out a big sigh and totally relaxed. I even got emotionally out of the blue mid session (which SO isn't me). It was a phenominal experience with amazing results! The demeaner of our family and Damen changed and it was like a huge weight lifted off multiple shoulders in our home. And! the relationship between Michael and Damen improved drastically!
Tuesday this week (three days ago) Wendy came and did blood analysis, and Damen's blood was HUGELY improved. The first dry sample had no trace of bowel issues, and the second hugely better. Still there but it's finally some big changes that make me happy :)  I look forward to continuing to see Martha and still keeping my diet dairy/wheat/nut free, and doing the broth diet, etc.

Heres the big healthy boy! Apr 24-2015

Feeding the family - January post that I forgot to post lol

There was a post on facebook (insert link) that suggested 5 ways to improve dinner time. And it got my head spinning about what our dinners look like. Let me lay it out one person at a time:

1.       Me: no dairy, no wheat, no corn, no sweets. Turkey, chicken or fish ONLY. Minimal rice/potatoes. Limited vegetables (eliminating all the gas producing ones), limited fruit (certain fruits cause me alot of gas as well).

2.       Michael: he is surprisingly picky! He won’t eat most fruits, he is VERY picky on his vegetables, he doesn’t like fish (more than once a month), etc.

3.       Logan: self-proclaimed vegetarian. The only meat he will eat are processed meatballs, turkey bacon and chicken nuggets – which I can’t feed him these ALL the time, they’re not very good quality meats! He is a very good vegetable eater, just as long as they are simple and plain (cooked or raw). No sauces unless it’s cheese sauce, and even then he will only eat cheese sauce on a few things. He is a “can’t be touching” style of eater.

4.       Carter: Carter has been my best eater so far. He is learning some bad habits sadly from Logan but he will eat most everything, sometimes with a bit of a fight. He is just starting to not want certain things. Hes my meat eater. Would eat meat and carbs over vegetables any day.

5.       Damen: milk! ;)

Okay, so that’s a general gist of our meal standards. What do I cook? Well, I am a bit of a health nut (not extreme like some), so my meals generally are a meat, potato or rice, and vegetable(s). A week would look something like this for dinners: 1. Tacos (everyone can then pick their toppings), 2. Chicken, rice & green beans (everyone will eat this except Logan won’t eat the chicken so he’d get nuts or a meat he likes made separately), 3. Tuesdays we always have fries or onion rings with carrots or green beans or broccoli, plus chicken nuggets. It’s kind of “logans day” cuz he has music and beavers and it’s a busy day with little prep time, 4. Soup. Michael and I are the only ones who will eat soup. So I end up making a plate of raw veggies and meatballs for the boys (or something along those lines), 5. Roast or steak with potatoes and broccoli/cauli, 6. Pork chops with peas and corn and salad (peas and corn are not a great vegetable – since they are a carb I never serve them with rice or potatoes). 7. Spaghetti and meatballs: this one is tricky. Carter and Michael will eat it as is. Logan has noodles with cheese on top so no sauce for him, and I make myself a spaghetti squash to have with the sauce. A little extra work, but not a heap. I keep all sauces to the side if ever there is one.

Yes it’s simple and not “fancy” but we are getting good food out of it, and everyone is getting a balanced diet as well. Regardless how picky the kid is, I have a strict VEGETABLE rule. They are required to eat all of the vegetables I serve them, especially since I never make them eat something they don’t like. If they don’t eat the “other stuff” so be it.

Now the article suggested rule #5 was thanking the cook for the meal. I LOVE this rule – I am quickly going to add it into our routine as I never thought about it! And we fight with Carter to stay at the table, but asking to be excused is something we never did as kids, which I’d also like to add to our family routine. So I would like to start using that with Carter and see if he will stop leaving so often because he will have to ask to go and we will politely tell him not yet. Who knows, worth a shot!

Last comment: going out to peoples houses. I get looked at funny I’m sure (even though I do prewarn people) but I pack food when we go places. I firstly ask what they are serving to see what is available for me and what is available for Logan to eat (the other two can usually make it through almost anything). Then I pack Logan a meal accordingly and myself. Now, when I say I pack a meal, trust me, it is a healthy meal – Logan’s not getting snack foods or anything. He’s getting usually a huge amount of vegetables and some cheese or a sandwich or meatballs, etc. And I usually just bring something to match what they’re having, just in a “clean eating” format. I always feel judged at certain homes, but frankly I am not about to force anyone to eat something they don’t like (and it’s not the place to do so – we do work with Logan at trying things, but in the privacy of our home – they don’t need to see the tantrums and reactions to it at their home), and I don’t expect to be catered to so I figure the best solution is just bringing our own, especially since 50% of our family will be participating lol. And possibly more depending whats being served.