Negative

Well today's blog I am going to write because I actually took a pregnancy test yesterday. It was negative. The reason I tell you that is because frankly, I was so disappointed! Michael and I are not trying, in fact I have been on the pill again since my surgery in August, but I have been experiencing some 'signs' that are not specific to pregnancy, but can be signs of pregnancy so I thought I would check for a few reasons. 1. because I was curious, 2. I am currently at the beginning of a new fitness regime which would need to stop if I were pregnant, and 3. I am supposed to immediately go to the doctor upon being pregnant again to get an ultrasound done - precautionary of course.

Anyways, as I said, I was defiently not trying but it surely stirred some emotions in me (sadness that it wasn't positive for one) and I am so ready for another baby. Michael and I are currently in the process of adoption, and that is all I will say on that because it is not something I feel needs to be 'advertised' but it's something we are definetly pursuing presently. I have this internal debate about when I should start 'trying' again for our own again. I have been given the okay by my doctor a long time ago, so healing wise I'm 'technically' okay. Adoption is a process. It has taken 5 months to get almost nothing done (lol), and it's at least another 4-5 months of the process before you're even approved to go on the adoption lists for the birthmothers to see! After that it is in "God's hands", and it could be weeks, months or years. So Michael and I will likely in the early new year start trying for our own. I don't know what kind of successes I will have there with my history to date, but I can't live in the unknown forever. I feel like my family is incomplete. I love Logan more than anything, and I think he needs some siblings.

I am excited, nervous, scared to be pursing 'trying' and adoption at the same time but I also feel completely comfortable, confident, and happy about the combination. I just know deep down that my family is supposed to grow, and if I'm not supposed to have a baby naturally, then I won't yet until the adoption goes through - that is how I feel. I should say too that Michael and I don't 'try' any more. There is too much emotional stress attached in that word: "trying". We just come to a point where we stop preventing and see what happens. :) It feels so much better emotionally!

Well that's all for now :) I already feel better about that ugly little 'negative' line just by blogging!