Welcome Damen Riley Bly

 

Nov 16th, 2014 we welcomed our baby boy Damen into the world.

18 weeks utero

 37 weeks pregnant

 Midwife team

 Daddy with Damen

 Mommy with Damen day #2

Brothers :) 

The Birth Story:

Damen was my by far toughest delivery yet (and his pregnancy was pretty rough per previous posts as well). The 5 days leading up the 16th I would experience cramps and painful braxton hicks, which was super annoying because I would get excited that maybe it was 'time'. Then Saturday the 15th I teased michael that that would be the night because he had a bunch of friends coming over for a UFC fight night. Low and behold as I was hanging out with my friend Kim playing games I started to get mild contractions every 20-30 mins - but I didn't know they were officially contractions yet because of all the pre-cramps I had been experiencing. 

Once all of Michael's friends left around 11:30 I went to bed, but was only able to sleep for 30-60 mins and then I was up the rest of the night from there. I was definitely having contractions. Starting at 1am I started timing them. I was having them every 2-6 minutes and they lasted roughly 30 seconds each wave. They were painful enough that I had to breath through each wave but not excruciating. At 2:00 I called my midwife and she said when the contractions are lasting 1 minute in length to call her back. So I did everything to get comfortable (I even tried sitting in a bath) and by 4 they were every 2-3 minutes apart but not 1 minute in length - still 35-45 seconds long. However! I called her because I was now reaching "I can't do this" phase and I was completely exhausted because it'd been over 3 hours of "painful" contractions. She said she would pack up and be there within the hour. So the team arrived at 5am and I was completely and utterly wasted, lying on my bed in fetal position trying to cope through each contraction. By 6:00 I plain just gave up. That's when they broke my water. I was fully dilated by 5 but they wanted to see if my water would break on it's own. So they broke my water and an hour and 20 minutes later I was -finally- able to push Damen out. I once again could not get my head wrapped around pushing, so he was very beat up and cone headed when he finally came out. He also got a little jammed up on the way out. We think he was a little bit twisted, and apparently I had some cervix in the way (I still don't know what that means but they had to push it out of the way) and it took about 7 solid good pushes to get him out. ...which was unfortunate because by this time I had almost no strength left so each push was completely exhausting. And BOY did he hurt! I about jumped out of my skin during those final 20 minutes. 

But then! out he finally came! My big 9lb 10oz, 22 1/2" long baby boy. They laid him on me while the cord pulsed out and I basically fell right to sleep. My placenta (which funny thing all the midwives commented how huge my placenta was haha) basically came out with him so they took it right away (one 'final' push). They kept trying to give me the baby but I just told them to give him to Michael. I was so tired I couldn't even think straight. 

Funny story though: they kept having to listen to the babys heart rate with the doppler thing, and I would get so angry at them LOL, it was driving me completely crazy because they'd have to apply some pressure to my stomach each time they listened and I was like 'just get that thing away from me!' haha, not sure why but it just drove me mental. 

Logan woke up at 7:30am and we sent him downstairs so we could get everything all cleaned up. And Carter slept til 8am. I have NO idea how they slept through everything because I was LOUD, all night long. Moaning, groaning, screaming, whining lol...and they were in the room next to ours! The most precious moment for me was when Carter sauntered in I said "look carter, your baby is here" and his eyes truly lightened right up and he gasped and said "is it mine?" - I almost cried right there it was so sweet. 

And that was it! Midwives tidied up and got everything in order and were gone by 10am (maybe sooner even?) and I basically slept the rest of the day away. My mom arrived at roughly 7:15 and I told her not to come up cuz I didn't want anyone else in the room, but she heard the final moments leading to his birth. She and my dad then took the boys to church and they all held the baby the rest of the day while I slept - just bringing him to feed every so often. 

How we picked his name:

Numerous people have asked me where we got his name. And to be honest, I have no idea! I had an ongoing list of boy and girl names in my phone on a list that over the past 6 months whenever I thought of or heard a name I/we liked, I wrote it down. We had Damen, Riley and Cooper on our list, but when we looked at him he was 100% a Damen. We let the little boys pick his middle name. So its just a name we liked :)

Damen's First Week:

And now here we are, one week later! Damen is a wonderful baby. He definitely suffers from tummy issues - has a hard time passing his bowel movements. I have taken him to my chiropractor and it has done wonderful things for him, and I have eliminated wheat and dairy and processed sugar from my diet best I can. If by end of next week he's still suffering I will add a few veggies/starches to the elimination list. But other than that he is doing fabulously! He hasn't lost weight (my babies never have), he sleeps fairly well through the night - every 3 hours I feed him, which some may not think is sleeping well but for me since I've had insomnia my entire pregnancy, sleeping 3 hr intervals has been heavenly :) And the boys LOVE their baby brother. It is so sweet actually, they are just darling with him. I haven't had to worry about leaving Damen in their presence while I run to the bathroom or throw some laundry in, etc. We are one happy family and I am loving our laid back life right now - having little to no obligations and just being home with my children has been incredibly satisfying. I haven't even wanted to out much (which is odd cuz I usually get quite stir crazy). 

38 1/2 weeks tomorrow

So the past 24 hours have been ... good? I have been waking up constantly all night long thinking im in labor - but not only that, ive been dreaming im in labor then wake up almost panicked! And we are talking every 30-60 mins ALL night long.

Then yesterday but even worse today, baby has significantly dropped low into my pelvis, restricting ALOT of my normal movement and day to day activity - but not only is it uncomfortable, its painful :(

And today i have been in.basically a full time braxton hicks contraction! It has been one after another after another ALL day!

Its so hard not to think that "maybe the babys coming really soon". A girl can dream -- i know baby comes when it comes but a girl can dream :) heres hoping my suffering ends soon!

Pregnancy 36 weeks

1. Carpel tunnel specifically in my left hand is almost completly unusable - ir aches and hurts all night then takes about two hours to become semi-usable again!
2. Hands/feet swelling increased. Vains in hands/feet are puffy by days end
3. Belly is changing. Cant bend over most of the time due to the positioning of baby - either it had a growth spurt or shifted in such a way that my belly just hurts aLOT
4. Have had a cold now for 15 days. The sinusitus passed but still congested and occasional cough. One day im "ok" then next im knocked on my butt! Worst cold ever. Thesinusitus messed up my one tooth with a filling. I wont br surprised if i need to get it looked at soon enough

Vaginismus

Disclaimer: This will be a discussion blog where symptoms I experience, my sex life and things I discussed with my OB-GYN today. If that makes you uncomfortable, stop reading now :)

The reference to all of this is www.vaginismus.com for the 'facts' I may quote or where i'm getting my information.

Today I went to an ob-gyn that my midwives referred me to. The reason I went is for a vaginal/anal itch that I've been dealing with for almost 4 years. It worsens during pregnancy. Things I've tried over the years include:

   1. Diet - I've concluded that certain foods make it worse, but elimination of any foods specifically don't make the problem go away. (Thus why when I tell people I have a flour/wheat intolerance, it's not for the same reasons that a celiac has issues).
   2. Blood reading  - I have always been baffled as to why nothing specific has shown up for this issue in the blood reading I regularly receive (but after we get further discussing the vaginismus I now understand why it hasn't shown up in my blood).
   3. Yeast - okay, so my last ob-gyn I visited sent me home and told me to eat more yogurt. I about punched him in the face because I have been swabbed, treated, and every other known thing you can do to treat yeast (I've even applied yogurt down there!) and I've never tested positive medically for yeast and rarely in blood reading. ITS NOT YEAST. But this guy was adament and just basically blew me off. I never went back to him again needless to say. But yeast is NOT the cause.
   4. Herbals - I take acidophulus, digest enzymes (especially when eating those problem foods I have discovered), multi vit/min, aerobic oxygen, and so on on a generally regular basis.
   5. Creams. Oh the creams! My doctor has tried hemorrhoid creams, cortisone creams, some F-____ cream I can't remember the name, and so on.

Anyways, so the big problem is that every time I have been looked at or examined there's never anything wrong in appearance of my lady bits - no rashes, no bumps, no discharge, etc. But it itches like the dickens!

NOW - back to today. I went to see Dr Wood at the Foothills. He was phenomenal! Side note: he had fabulous and kind nurses, and he was a very non-creepy, kind and understanding man who truly seemed to -care- that I was there. So we talk a bit about my history and I will be honest, I was very prepared to defend myself and tell him 'its not yeast!' lol but I never had to go there. He said he wanted to take a look. So (here's where i'm going to start being very detailed), as I scoot into place he asks me if i'm always so 'uptight' when getting examined. I know at that point he's referring to the fact that my legs are basically shaking (with fear) and I cannot relax. I explain that I have never once been able to have an examination without it being completely traumatizing emotionally and physically. Not only is it VERY painful, but I emotionally don't like people down there. (not saying everyone does, but I cannot relax).
Dr Wood explained that he would not be doing an internal exam today but what he wants to do is sensitivity test where he is going to lightly tap my leg and then the outside of the vagina and anus to see if there's any nerve damage from the years of itching - I passed ;) - no nerve damage.
He then throws me for a loop a bit and starts asking about my sex life. Long story short we discussed the fact that it has -always- hurt for me to have sex and it took about a year to discover that if I use a ton of lubrication my husband can at least 'get in' - I explained that my husband is the only partner I've had and that it was extremely emotional that when we went on our honeymoon we didn't have sex even once because it was like there was a wall in the way and I about cried every time we attempted. And then he asked me if I ever feel aroused, which threw me for a loop (going into this appointment I was ready to discuss all the things I've tried for the itch, not my sex life lol) - but I said that I maybe feel aroused once every 30-40 times - and we probably only have intercourse once every 1-2 months.

That all being said he then did a (well lubricated) one finger test which just about made me cry. He said all he did was press against one of the muscles in the vaginal wall and he knew from my cringing in pain and discomfort right then that I am suffering from vaginismus.

My basic understanding is that vaginismus is " vaginal tightness causing discomfort, burning, pain, penetration problems, or complete inability to have intercourse."   https://www.vaginismus.com/vaginismus-symptoms - this page specifically goes into really great detail about it that I find fascinating. This also then leads into (on the same site) vaginitus and vaginal atrophy and lichen sclerosis - all things that could be linked to the itching combined with vaginismus which was just interesting for me to read is all. 

So talking to Dr Wood he explains that the itching could just be a side affect or it could be something else, but until you get the pelvic muscle tightness figured out, you can't really fix anything. And he said after the baby is born that I can come in to see him again and he can teach me some therapies and techniques (to do on my own time and at my own comfort) to help loosen up the muscles that are essentially in spasm all the time. He did say that he was surprised this was my third birth because most women have some nerve damage after each birth 'down there' and that's what loosens women in that region - it has little to do he said with the stretching from the actual baby exiting. 

The other thing that was really enlightening to me is that this really explains alot of other common problems I have: 
   1. I have never been able to wear tampons - they are SOOO painful
   2. Doing canestan yeast treatments or the one time I had to insert a hemorrhoid suppository - OW
   3. Having children! I have blogged about this before - but I have never been able to easily push a baby out - because I clench up instead of relax - and this vaginismus totally explains why! I can't relax my pelvic muscles at all. I asked Dr Wood if kegals were good to do and he said they are but I didn't need to worry about it because I have such a strong pelvic muscle base. Kegals strengthen, and that's not what I need to focus on. 

I was really excited leaving his office because this is the first time in almost 4 years that I feel like we might actually be in the right direction towards a solution- and it will also potentially help some other problems that I/we have that will only do my body and psyche good. 

The sad part is I have to wait until probably 8 weeks AFTER baby is born before I can work with him :( But! I have hope! And I write this blog mostly as an educational piece because I think more people likely suffer from this problem (not necessarily the itch) but it's not as uncommon as people think. Awareness is key.

Happy Thanksgiving 2014

Well it's Thanksgiving again. Weather wise, my favourite time of year is anytime it's nice enough to be outside without a sweater and little to no wind -wink-, generally that's July & August with snipits throughout the rest of the year. Holiday wise, my fav holidays are halloween and Christmas (for various reasons and i'll likely share in a blog when those times arrive).

But! Thanksgiving holds a special place in my heart. I have fond fond fond fond memories of time with family during Thanksgiving and I remember specifically because I was born on Thanksgiving so my birthday often falls on the long weekend or a day before/after. This year it's actually on Tuesday coming, but it's still my birthday weekend. Over the years the Shideler's have grown into having a tradition to have bbq ribs for our thanksgiving dinner, and we have various Shideler's (extended family) join us for the event. This year we were welcomed by my entire immediate family and Aunt Ellen and Steven/Jai/Aidan/Aaron. It was a lovely time.

This year was strange for me because I was supposed to host dinner! (with our family dinner rotation it was actually my turn). I caught a cold on Wednesday of last week sadly though and by yesterday (Saturday) I was 100% the same condition I was during the week - not at all better. So with deep remorse I called my mom and discussed options with her, and we decided to just change the venue location to her house instead. I packed up all the food I had already purchased/prepared and Michael took it to her place (he was already heading to the south of calgary to meet his parents for the day). Anyways, so Sunday rolls around and i'm not really better, slightly improved so I went as a guest and helped as much as I could in the prep/cleanup as I could.

Outside of being sick it was LOVELY being with my family :) I LOVE being with family, there's nothing better! And I couldn't have planned a better menu haha! Ribs, potatoes, honey glazed carrots, greek salad, kale salad, homemade rolls, punch, apple crisp and ice cream and pumpkin pie. It was DIVINE.

And this week I hit 35 weeks, so me and my dad did our belly pose together while I was there (pic below), and I have also posted a picture of the group of us that went laser tagging in lieu of my birthday on Oct 3rd.

 (I realized I didn't put any makeup on or anything before we left so this is as 'eu naturel' as I come LOL) 

laser tag party with a bunch of my friends

Kindergarten Week 5

This week I upped my craft-ness for Logan - he has been craving crafts and activities so I figured I would do my best to make it happen for him. 

Otherwise a fairly basic week. We are working through all the subjects one day at a time. Logan's enjoyment of reading still astounds me each day we work on it. We are having a good ol' time!

Below is a picture of us focusing on shapes. Logan knows his basic shapes (Triangle, Circle, Square, Rectangle) so we added Hexagon, Pentagon, Octagon for a challenge (I can't remember if I blogged about this last Friday or if we did this Monday and I just added it to FB, oh well, sorry for the repeat). Anyways, I cut out large shapes and we proceeded to decorate them with markers and stickers and glitter! It's nice because whenever we see the shapes around our day to day life we now have a reference: "hey Logan, that stop sign has 8 sides - what else has 8 sides? an octopus? yes! that's right - just like our shapes. And we also made a 5 side pentagon and 6 side hexagon - do you remember? awesome!"

Our 'extracurricular' activity this week was going Bowling. Logan loves bowling - at least 6 frames, then he is done haha, but we had a fun time! (daddy was able to come too)

Today we went for a walk/park play with the kids I babysit on Thursdays. We collected leaves along the way and when we got back we made leaf wreaths (inspired by my nieces)

Pregnancy week 32

OSo we made it to the single digits. It's been a rough road in lots of ways. Yet, aside from the physical discomforts (baby is a STRONG little critter with its kicks and punches and of course the sciatic pain) the pregnancy is easier now than the first two trimesters. Don't get me wrong, i'm still looking VERY forward to getting this sucker out of me! but i'm at least not an emotionally miserable person at the moment.

Symptoms/stats:
-sciatic
-itch problem (I have been wheat free for over a week and it helps but not as much as I would have hoped/liked)
-acne cleared up mid 2nd trimester - finally get my nice pregnancy skin!
-weight gain at 36lbs (boo)
-baby is measuring exactly at 32 weeks
-baby is brutal inside me. literally beating me up all the time almost making me cry at moments at how much it can hurt
-energy is at a 6-7 out of 10
-little to no sympathy towards anyone - child or adult and little to no patience <- this particilar point is the hardest for me to cope with as i want to -care- but i just dont feel like it. Its a weird unknown emotion to me

That's all I can think of :)

Still hoping for a Halloween baby, and for all you haters out there I am FULLY aware that the baby will come when he/she is ready :P but for the sheer fun of it we are rooting for a H-ween child :)