The one thing I did not anticipate struggling with as we delve into this nutritional change in Logan and Michael (and thus my) life is the emotions it's bringing out in -me-. Yes me me me - it's all about me.. but this is my blog!
Day 1 results: no milk for bedtime the night before after seeing the nutritionist. The night was normal and the morning was normal. We ran errands and such and we got home around 10:00am. He out of the blue started to have a tantrum (but really it was his first moment of what I call a 'sugar spike withdrawal' - this is usually when he'd have a sugary snack of some sort). The tantrum didn't bother me, and eventually he calmed down and came in and had a cheese bun (not 100% no dairy as you can see but the amount of cheese in it I wasnt too concerned, and I wasn't about to waste alot of food we currently have). Once he got some food into his system (which contained both small amounts of dairy and sugar mind you) he was fairly okay but still moody. He went down for a nap VERY easily today at 12:00 but I did allow him a 1/2 cup of milk per our usual routine, and I went in to get him up at 2:30 and he was incredibly hard to waken. It was quite interesting to me at the time to corolate the philosophy of drug addiction (in this case sugar/milk addiction) - it took him about 20 minutes to even be able to keep his eyes open. I had preprepared a plate of food for him before he woke up - a sandwich (PB & a little honey, cantaloupe, a carrot and a cucumber) - when he saw it on the table he went straight for it and ate it ALL (minus half his carrot and a piece of the cucumber) and then went to the fridge and ate 2 full yogurts which I hadn't gotten rid of yet. I was amazed! For the next few hours I had my mom around so Logan was happy and content to play with her, then we had friends over and Logan played with their kids and all in all decent mood until the bedtime hour came of course. Before they came at around 5:00/5:30 he ate an entire banana and multiple pieces of watermelon - all of which contain natural sugars, but that's a step in the right direction so I wasn't about to get too picky (and our guests were coming for 6:00 supper, so I didn't have everything quite ready yet). Supper he nibbled at, but kids around are distracting so I wasn't holding my breath there. Bedtime came and he was not impressed at the lack of milk and juice in the house. I purged it all as this no milk/dairy is only meant to be a 2-4 week process to help get his sugars under control -but I had him go look in the fridge to see that it was gone, and thus he had no choice but to settle on water. I even gave him some lemon juice in his water and I need to perfect the portions but he seemed semi okay with that. Michael put him to bed and he was definetly not a happy camper but went down eventually. So for Day 1 - he's had both dairy and sugar (in fruit that is) but probably 90% less than his avg...
Now, what emotions was I talking about? Well I don't like it (and never have liked it) when my baby cries. I want to do what I can to help comfort and console, and I know what he wants (and in a small sense blame myself for that) but can't/shouldn't give it to him. I keep having to remind myself of the big picture that this will help him but in the mean time i'm a "sensative soul". Also tonight when he woke up around midnight (not unusual), he was crying for his mommy in such a way that just truly broke my heart and it took EVERYTHING for me not to go to him.. Michael tends to him at nighttime now for many reasons and I need to be careful not to jump in as it's harder to break the habit down the road. Also, time wise i'm extra hormonal and thus my emotions are more so sensative now then an avg time, and I second guess myself that i've 'bitten off more than I can chew' with these food changes...but is there EVER a good time to do something like this with your child? I feel like i'm being cruel almost and that really makes me upset...but i've seen the charts and I've seen what it has done to him now that we're trying to make the changes - I just hope the next 2-3 weeks go by quickly or the baby comes so that Michael can be here with me while we battle the food battle... Logan's my baby and despite my intentions of wanting the best for him, I hate seeing the suffering.
Other things that add to my distress: -backpain is increasing. -I can't seem to sleep at night as it's just incredibly uncomfortable in every way shape or form. -Guilt for hating this pregnancy so much. -Sensativity in our relationship (I need more than ever certain levels of communication but do not have a husband who can give me that). -My own 'sugar withdrawl' to a certain degree - I used to taste or nibble on or finish what Logan would eat. -Hating 'complaining' about what seems like EVERYthing these days.
Anyways, that's not why I can't sleep - I am always up at this time, but tonight in particular I couldn't turn off my thoughts on top of the regular tossing and turning, so I figured i'd just get up for a bit.
Tomorrow: Maternity Photoshoot! i'm hoping this will boost my spirits as last time my sister in law made me feel so beautiful with her talents :) Also a friends son's bday party and even a few hours to myself while Michael takes Logan to Calaway. Should be a good day - i'm curious about the bday party as far as snacks go - im not sure that I can say no to him or not, i mean, he IS only 2 and if everyone else is eating, how do you stop one kid right? I don't know what he'll do yet but we may just leave when it's cake time to avoid the temptation alltogether.
Wish us luck! We need it..
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