I have been having a really hard time as of recent - maybe longer than I am letting on for, but I feel like I can't follow through with alot of things that I have every intention of doing. I am a people pleaser. If someone wants something or needs something I am fairly quick to say 'i'll do it' whether I really can or can't. I have also in past blogs alluded to the fact I am not really good at saying no. I will usually find a beat around the bush kind of way to do so. And I must say, it's not to say that I don't want to do stuff either - 95% of the time I actually really want to do what I say I want to!
Anyways, my most recent example that I hope she doesn't mind me sharing is that I was going to go to my friend Crystal's house and do her second Bowen treatment this weekend. Well the universe was working against me! 1. I forgot about the fact I did not drive to my mom's so I was carless and unable to actually GET to her house until Michael arrived Friday night. 2. My mom was working alot during my visit so I didn't have a babysitter and Logan is NOT a traveller - and I would need him to be watched while I was at her home or the Bowen treatment wouldn't be as effective potentially. 3. I actually left my Bowen text book at home and Michael was going to have to bring it. 4. My family was around longer than I anticipated and I hated being in a situation of having to choose family over friends.
Anyways, the list can go on! But in this particular example I feel like I have been even more so unreliable to my friend Crystal because: 1.I had planned to go to her son's 1st birthday and had to cancel the week of (I was also making the cake), and 2. I have yet to go and see her new home in Leduc - missed all her house warming events and such, and 3. when she moved from Red Deer I was not able to get up and say good bye officially!
Now Crystal aside for a second, my 'excuses' typically revolve around Logan and money. Logan is definetly not a long (or short for that matter) distance traveller, never has been. It is nearly impossible to get anywhere longer than an hour (if i'm lucky, 30 minutes is his max before he starts to get fussy these days). He is also very scheduled - so if an event conflicts with nap time or bed time, nap time or bed time most definetly wins. (Side note: I do NOT wake my baby either, so just don't ask me to get up any earlier than Logan awakens on his own). And then financially - we are definetly tighter in the pocket book than we were before we had Logan..and most specifically since my mat leave ended, so my lifestyle that I created is no longer as free range as it once was which is hard to break -other- people of the habit of our new life (especially when we used to call each other up all the time and be like 'hey! lets go for dinner!')
So I guess at this point I have to find a happy medium. I feel like i'm constantly apologizing these days and yes I am sorry for not being reliable, but how can I fix that? In my Crystal example I really just needed to weigh the situation a little better. In -theory- it worked out great - I was up in Rimbey and Leduc is just an hour's drive as opposed to 3 hours... but really, I made the assumptions that Logan would be cared for and I would have free range of a vehicle. So lack of planning on my part.
I also have to find a better way of tracking my calendar AND my to-do list in a side by side format. I need to have my calendar and availability with me at all time AND my to-do list.... or add my to-do list TO my calendar, because often I just write down events and then realize I really needed to get my Relief Society emails prepared and sent. I like to think i'm fairly organized but I do have my flaws! (Then what do you do if you double book? Or you have a second event come up that you want to go to more or -should- go to over another? e-gad!)
Anyways, this blog in particular is very all over the place but I'm afraid that I'm not even sure what I am trying to say! I have a personal goal to better myself on the reliability front. And to do that I need to learn to say "no" as part of the goal. And I need to plan better when combining various events in the same date/time frame!
Great advice from my mom that she heard in a talk at Education Days in Provo, a talk about decluttering your life:
"If you want an answer right now, then the answer is no."
What great advice! Along with that is a 2x2 square where the one side is labelled 'important' vs 'not important' and 'urgent' vs 'not-urgent'. At that point you can put your to-do list on a daily, weekly, or monthly level in the squares and decide where that day you want to focus your time. Often we place everything in the important and urgent column when really it isn't or shouldn't be. And frankly, sometiems I just want a day to focus on the not urgent, not important column (like cleaning my bathroom LOL - though sometimes that can look pretty urgent..)
..but that's a whole other blog :)
I have so many comments! Okay, um I'll just start I guess...
ReplyDeleteFirst I wanted to say that time management seems like a pretty common challenge for most people, including myself. The main problem seems to be, wanting to do much more than there is realistically time for. I am always trying to fit more in then I can actually do (one of the reasons why I tend to be late for things).
One interesting thing to think about, is that time is both finite but subjective. Meaning that while there is only 24 hours in each day, the "length" of those hours can feel differently depending on how you view it. The best example of this I have ever heard it to think about a bathroom door. The length of 5 minutes seems different, depending which side of the bathroom door you're on!
So possibly, by slowing down, breathing and staying in the moment of things, we may become more productive.
Next, I would suggest making a basic priority list of your life. (Example, #1 Your immediate family, #2 Relgioius Obligations #3 Fitness #4 Extended Family & Friends #5 Career) Then remember your top five. When something comes up that would use your time, ask yourself if it fits in your top 5 priorities for this day/month/year or however you look at it. It might give you some perspective on how important something is for your life NOW. It's so easy to get caught up in the excitement of something, that we forget that we really don't have time for it, in this phase of our lives.
I don't know about you, but I think I am still struggling with the fact that my life isn't the same as it was before Dexter, that it can't be the same and that it'll never be like that again. The disposable time we had on our hands before kids was amazing, but not realistic for life as we know it now. Our time is no longer our time, but rather our kids & our's time. Plus, before we could jam things into one day or a weekend and "rest" the next day or weekend but the concept of REST is pretty foreign now LOL
One last thing, I really enjoy my blackberry for scheduling things, for reminders and for having everything all in one place. Smart phones are great for that as I carry it everywhere and can utilize small pieces of time like being stuck in traffic or in my vehicle while Dexter is napping. Not sure if its in your budget, but I think its worth the money :-)
I lied...one more last thing, don't be too hard on yourself. We're not Super Woman and she's fictional. We can only do what we can do, no apologies. Oh & I love the line from the education days. May have to write it down!
the urgent/important thing is from Steven Covey 7 habits of effective people.
ReplyDeleteOne way to arrange tasks and a calendar side by side is to use outlook or thunderbird if you don't have it.
yes i have taken the steven covey course :) it's a good one. I think that definetly I just need to get re-started.. I should definetly read the work book from the coruse again, good idea!
ReplyDelete