I have one struggle that i'm looking for advice or pointers on: When Logan is misbehaving we tend to say things like "do you want to go sit in the chair?" - would you consider this a threat? Is there a better way of wording it? I don't want to have my child(ren) living in 'fear' of the chair, but in what way do you remind them of the consequences of their actions?
I just don't like feeling like time out is a threat. Time out is a consequence of bad behaviour.
Tips? Suggestions? Approaches?
Hmmm, I don't really have a good answer for that - though I share your concern about associations. I'm not sure what we'll use for a "naughty" place. It's been suggested to me to use the crib, highchair or playpen but I think it's important to use something exclusively for timeouts such as a mat, step, or special chair.
ReplyDeleteAs for threat vs consequence... I think it's ok for it to be both. Essentially you give them the warning (threat) and then if the behavior continues they get the consequence (timeout). If they don't "fear" it then I question if it would be an effective method?
Crystal
Supernanny specfically suggests not using eating or sleeping areas because you don't want the negative associated with those areas. Could cause problems in those areas down the road.
ReplyDeleteI think we just need to be careful how we say it? Maybe something like 'Logan you know you shouldn't be pulling the movies off the shelf - this is your warning'. Instead of 'Logan do you want to go sit on your chair? no? then stop it!'. Maybe using the term 'this is your warning' will end up instilling that 'fear' instead of wording it as a threat?
I'm just brainstorming...
I think it is more effective to not use questions. So, instead of using "do you want to..." you might say something like "Remember, Logan, pulling movies off the shelf is against the rules. If you keep pulling movies down you will have to go sit in time out." Then, if he continues, you take him to the chair and say "You kept pulling movies down after mommy told you it was against the rules. Now you have to sit in the chair because you broke that rule" or whatever it is you want to say. This way it isn't a threat, it's just a statement. Less emotion goes into that, too. Just make sure you give him a chance to change his behaviour, but follow through right away if he doesn't. Actually, follow through with a compliment if he does change his behaviour, too!
ReplyDeleteAnd yeah, if he LIKES going to the "naughty place" then it's not an effective consequence.
(My comments come from classroom experience with older kids, but it's all the same principles I think.)