About an hour ago (11ish) we came inside from a walk and time at the park and Logan did not want to come inside but it was definetly time as it was coming close to nap time, etc. Well he started to scream and wouldn't let me close the door (of course he wanted it WIDE open - and actually just wanted to go back outside but he also wanted the snack he was being offered as well). I brought him in and closed the door and he screamed some more, and so I took off his boots (so he wouldn't dirty up my floors) and his hat, which threw him into an even bigger fit. After that I let him be to scream for awhile, then came back to attempt calming him, then took off his coat and mits (which threw him into an even BIGGER fit). When I came back to him about 5-10 mins later he was crying on the floor in the entry way and had pulled off every shoe and every winter item we have in the 'boot room' section of the entry way. lol, so I picked him up and we went to bed (he was just beyond exhausted from screaming). He fell asleep almost instantly.
Now, I should explain how I handle tantrums. When I say this is his first 'official' tantrum, I say it like that because he has had mini tantrums when he hasn't gotten his way and will scream and kick, etc but will just get over it within 5 mins. This time he probably screamed for 20-25 minutes and actually -messed- something up (the bootroom). So, I am a firm believer of allowing children an opportunity to express themselves - why should we suppress feelings of anger or frusteration? Usually I will say to him things like, "you can scream and be angry all you want, but you aren't going to get a <blank>" or "if you're angry this is the time to be angry, but mommy will not speak with you until you are settled down. Come find me when you're ready to talk" - and things like that.
Let me tell you, this isn't always easy to follow through with. I would say about 70-80% of the time I can allow him to just be upset and angry (sometimes he has to be upset and angry in time out depending on the situation), but the other 20-30% he catches me in a moment that I get upset and angry back at him. Thankfully I am able to apologize if that happens and we hug and I express my love for him and ask his forgiveness (also a principal I am hoping to teach him by example), but as all mothers I am only human and we all lose our cool sometimes. It's interesting though as I can see the specific instances forming a pattern when I do catch myself yelling back, so I am hoping to start catching myself before I get upset and work on my patience.
Anyways, first official tantrum: we survived! Woohoo! Here's to hundreds more! LOL (hopefully not..)
I admire your patience & that is something I think I have grown in but would like to keep working on. Dexter has had some mini-tantrums as well. One thing I read somewhere for the beginning of a tantrum, is that sometimes they just want their feelings acknowledged. So for example saying to them "You're angry because you want to keep playing outside?" It sounds really simple, but I've found it works about 60-70% of the time. It doesn't mean you give them what they want, but just acknowledge that you know what is wrong. Anyway, just thought I'd share that.
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